To Breathe Again

Chapter 25 - Shattered Heart

This Chapter is dedicated to MelodyChilders! Thank you for voting and commenting. Means the world!

Hang on guys... it's gonna get bumpy. ((Hint - grab a box of tissues - I know I needed them)

------------------------------------------------------------------

Michelle's POV

I'm numb. I can't think, I can't move, I can't even see clearly. I fell apart when Grant answered that phone and right now I'm standing in a hospital waiting room unable to focus on anything in particular. The guys are all with me. Every once in a while I can feel a hand on my shoulder or fingers in my hair. I can't find the energy to acknowledge them though. I just, well, I just can't. My world is on hold until I know something. This fog of ignorance has got to be the worst torture I've ever been through. I would rather go back through my entire abusive childhood and the mental and emotional crap my ex husbands put me through than be sitting here in this room waiting on information.

"Flower?" I hear Grant very quietly call me from my right side. I turn my head, though I doubt I have much emotion on my face. I just don't have anything left to give him. "Lil mama, do you want a coke or maybe a lil somethin' ta eat?" He asks me very delicately. I can feel how much he's not trying to push anything on me. I shake my head and wipe more of the tears from my currently damp face. I didn't realize I was still crying until I felt it running down my cheek again. I hear the other guys sigh near me but, again, no one is pushing. They will never know how much I appreciate that. If they were, I would completely loose my shit right now. I am barely hanging on by a thread.

Every time I hear the doors open to the surgery area, my head springs in that direction and heart rate speeds up only to see a nurse or doctor walking in another direction than the waiting area. I swear, I think I am going to vomit but I can't even take the time to do that. I can't spare a moment in case they come to talk to me. Minutes have turned to hours and those hours have felt like a lifetime. I feel Trent's hand on my shoulder. I look in his direction but he's not looking at me. He's looking at a doctor who's coming straight for us.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe! I feel Grant lift me off the chair and then Sammy grab's my face. "Baby look at me." He says calmly. My eyes are squeezed shut and I'm gasping for air, holding my chest. It feels like a vacuum is sucking the air out and not letting anything back in; almost like a balloon is in the way of my airway. "Michelle. Look at me now!" he says more forcefully. After a lot of effort, I open my eyes and look at his. I see so much concern and sadness in his eyes but I can't even cry, though I want to. I just can't seem to get enough air to do so. "Baby I want you to do what I'm doing." He releases my face and puts my hands on his chest and keeps them there firmly. "Feel my chest expand and contract. Breathe with me Sweetheart. Come on, I know you can do this." I try to pull air into my lungs at the rate he's doing. It's hard but slowly I'm able to get closer to his rhythm but not quite. "Ok, much better. Now, can you speak?"

"Yes," I rasp out between breaths.

"Good girl. Baby, you are doing so good." Trent says softly. I hear Grant and Sammy echoing Trent, encouraging me as well with sweet words.

"Alright, now I want you to tell me what you hear right now." Sammy says.

I listen for a few seconds. "Ummmm... I, uh, I h-hear the air c-conditioner."

"Good baby. Keep going. What else do you hear?" he replies softly.

"I hear medical s-sounds coming from the other roo- room and, uh, and someone walking n-nearby."

"Ok, now baby please tell me what you feel."

"I feel Grant's hand h-holding mine. And, uh, uh, and Trent rubbing my b-back."