To Breathe Again

Chapter 47 - A Nightmare Revisited

Trigger warning. Rape, Torture, Abuse, and Self deprecating thoughts. Please skip over if this causes you distress.

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Michelle's POV

"Clark?" I whisper out. I can't believe what I see before me. I thought he had all but forgotten about me. I'm utterly confused as to why he's here and also why I'm here. He got everything in the divorce and I've had nothing to do with him ever since. From what I heard, he had happily moved on with some teacher somewhere and even had twin little girls. A million other questions are swirling around my head when my skin at my wrists feel like it's on fire. I'm being pulled into a sitting position by cold hands. I shiver at the contact and then overwhelming pain erupts in my left eye. I feel myself thrown to my right and then raised back up again. Again it feel like the left side of my head is going to explode. I can't take a breath, scream, or ask why before another blow strikes me on my left only to be pulled back up again. Each time, my wrists are cut by the rope. Half of the blows hit my ear, causing ringing and dizziness. Tears are flowing down my cheeks and I finally scream out from the pain of being tossed around. Clark doesn't even utter a word. He just simply hits me over and over and over until my vision starts to turn dark and I stop making any kind of noise. He pushes me back onto the bed, face up this time, which again, causes the ropes to dig into my wrists. He walks out, slamming the door behind him. I'm left in darkness again, crying, in incredible pain, and all alone.

Why is he doing this? I don't understand. Did he not hurt me enough when we were married? I tried to do everything I could for him. Hell, I even carried him through college. The only reason he got his degree in accounting was because that was my major and he cheated off me. I went to class, I took all the notes, I wrote all the papers. All he did was study enough to pass exams based on all the work I did. All his projects, I completed. In the divorce, I gave him all the assets we owned together that was worth anything, I paid off his truck, I even gave him back the few little things I had that were from his family. The only thing I can think of that I ever did that could cause him pain was telling him that I didn't want him at the very end, but by that time he was living with another woman. Why would that even bother him? Maybe it was because I turned him away at the funeral.

I guess I'm just destined to be hated by the men I try to love. I don't understand why though. I mean, if I heard another woman telling my story, I would wonder what she did to drive two men away. I mean one, ok you can understand but two, maybe it's her, I mean, she is the common denominator. 

Am I that bad of a person? Am I that hard to love? I try so hard. I remember my mom always being so mad at me. I was thinking that I never tried to get into trouble. Some of my friends would actually look for trouble. I avoided it at all costs yet was punished more than any of them. So, does trying in a relationship get me just as far?

As I sit there, thoughts flood my mine. Do you realize that every time you speak, I cringe? You need to lose weight, you've really let yourself go? I was just trying to see if I felt anything, but no. I guess I made the right choice. Do you actually think you're a good mother? You need to put some makeup on, your eyes look dead.  You do realize that the only reason our friends talk to you is because they're friends with me, right? I'm so sick of you, I don't even want to look at your face.  No one wants you. You're not worth the aggravation. Why can't you think for yourself? You are so lazy. This house is embarrassing. Stupid woman.  You're lazy.  I hate being stuck with you.  You're a whore. Such a bitch. What an idiot. Ugly. Fat. Worthless. Trash. Whore. Bitch. Idiot. Ugly. Fat. Worthless. Trash. Whore. Bitch. Idiot. Ugly. Fat. Worthless. Trash.

As days pass by, the same thing happens over and over. He comes in, beats me and leaves me in my beaten state. I think my ribs are broken because it hurts to breath too deeply. After the first day, he actually took the ropes off my wrists and ankles. I don't think it was to give me any relief though. He just didn't want to be troubled to help me to drink or to relieve myself. There's a toilet in the corner but it doesn't work. No running water so it smells really bad. I smell really bad. At first it was cold down here but now, it's sweltering.  Between the hot humid state of the room, the sweat on my body and clothes, and the times I soiled myself due to being tied up or beaten that far, I can barely open my eyes due to the ammonia coming off my body. I reek.