At Last|| Mialotte

Happiness

Things were getting better between Mia and Charlotte. They were sleeping in the same bed again and talking, but Charlotte still had something she felt the need to share with her. She was nervous because she should've talked about it with her before they began to try for a baby. She was waiting for Mia to come back from dropping the girls off school. They had taken the day off to just really reconnect and talk through everything.

She sat at the table with her coffee, tapping her fingers on the lid as she sat with her thoughts. This wasn't her first time miscarrying a baby. She had never told anyone else except for Marjorie when she had to get annual leave.

Those memories of losing her babies had been buried deep in her mind until she was sat at the doctor's office. She never got to properly grieve those babies because she was so busy fighting for her life, so when she held the ultrasound in her hands? It all came tumbling down on her.

A few years after Ren was born, she had gotten pregnant again and Nick was so furious with her. Even though it only could've been his child, he got it in his head that she had cheated on him and was carrying the child of someone else. The moment she had told him how far along she was and shared the ultrasound with Nick, she fell through the ice.

She got through that miscarriage by laying on the floor of their bathroom, surrounded by her blood and unable to move from the pain. It was a chilling feeling. The same one she had in the preschool room. She never talked about it again because she feared for her life if she brought it up. He was so convinced that she was whoring on him and any reminder of that pregnancy put her life in danger.

She got up and moved on though because she had to care for Renee or else Nick would let her starve and sit in her own filth. She refused the idea of her children having a childhood full of neglect and it wasn't going to start then. So she cleaned up the blood off the floor and changed her pants and carried on with her life.

Charlotte had never realized how badly that had screwed with her mind until she held the twins ultrasound in her hands. Staring at it was too painful at the moment, but she felt ready to look at it again. Imagine a life with them and love them even if they were sleeping angels now. Even though it was sad to think about, she found herself smiling at the picture. She was taking away his power and giving it back to herself. She was allowed to grieve now without fear of her children suffering.

She hadn't even realized Mia had walked in through the door and sat besides her until she spoke,"You looking at the twins?" Her voice was soft, she wasn't sure what Charlotte was thinking about.

"Yeah... I love them so much." She chuckled,"I wish they were here with us. Well in my belly."

"I love them too, sweetheart." Mia gave her a good morning kiss, turning to face her.

"I have something to tell you. I should've shared this with you before we tried to have a baby but honestly I think I had it so deeply repressed, I didn't remember." She was rambling on until she realized she had Mia's full attention.

"This wasn't my first time having a miscarriage." She cleared her voice as she felt tears burn her eyes," After Ren was born, I got pregnant again and Nick was so convinced the baby wasn't his and…" She trailed off, not wanting to go into detail,"I had to pick myself up and clean up and just ger over it because Ren was 2 years old and she needed me. I think that's why I shut down."

Mia rubbed her back as she took a moment to collect herself,"I never got to grieve or think about it because I had to focus on Ren and surviving. The night I miscarried was the same day I went to the doctor and learned how far along I was and had gotten our first ultrasound. I was so happy to show him, but he was pissed at me. When they gave me the twins ultrasound, all I could think about was the past. I wasn't just mourning them but also this baby too. "

"Oh Charlotte, I'm so sorry you lost another baby. " Mia was a little unsure of what to say,"I understand that must've been really suffocating but I can only help if you help me by communicating to me. I was hurt and scared when you wouldn't speak to me all that time. My world was burning down around me and all I wanted was the comfort of my wife and you weren't there."

"I know and I'm so sorry that I was shutting you out. I was going through so many emotions and I was so overwhelmed. I didn't think anyone wanted to talk to me after what happened. I worried about Renee and Elaina and what they would think?"

"Charlotte, Renee and Ellie can see your pain and they were worried about you. None of us were ever mad at you." Mia sat back in her chair, as she reached for Charlotte's hands," You are such an amazing mom, baby. You are what keeps our family together and makes our world spin. You are our sun. "

"I don't feel very sunny lately." She sighed.

"I know and that's okay. After the night, the sun always rises again. "

"Do you even want to still have a baby with me?" Her voice was quiet, "I understand if you don't. "

Mia pulled Charlotte onto her lap and kissed her cheeks,"Charlotte, I would be so lucky to get to have a baby with you. We just need to take it a little slower next time and I want to make sure you are taking good care of yourself. I don't need you to be so stressed, sweet girl."

"So you still want to?" Charlotte's voice trembled as if she really thought Mia wouldn't have.

" There's nothing I want more." She smiled,"Actually there is one thing I can think of that I want more."

Charlotte furrowed her brows together in confusion,"And what would that be?"

"For my sweet Charlotte to be happy ."

"You're what makes me happy, Mia."

A comfortable silence surrounded them as they took in each other's warmth. A sense of safety washed over Charlotte and she knew she was going to be okay. Although she was still sad about the twins, she knew that she did everything she could to protect them, much like Ren and Ellie.

" I think I want to try again soon. I know I've only just now healed, but I want to go in with the same mindset I have right now." She smiled sheepishly, "I know everything is going to be okay."

"What else do you know, baby?"

"Huh?"

"You know you're the best mother on earth?"

Charlotte's cheeks burned, "And I know I'm the best mom I can be for all of my children whether I've held them in my hands or in my heart."

"Good girl." Mia chuckled."I'll call the office about when we can look at more samples if you want me to?"

"I'd love that."

"Okay baby, we'll try again."

Authors note-
Can't shut off my brain so now you've really spoiled with two chapters back to back!