Hidden feelings [BTS 8th member]

12.

10 missed calls from an unknown number.

I knew it was Jungkook.

That was particularly why I stopped answering. His voice made me reminisce while my mind imagined his features.

I would think of the way he moved, the way he was so smooth when he danced and quick when he was on the spot.

I would close my eyes and imagine his hands, the way he handled things with care and made sure not to break anything.

I would hug my own body and miss the way his arms wrapped around mine. I weeped over the absence of his comfort soothing me.

Every single part of it made me sick.

I clench my stomach to stop the unbearable feeling of anxiety that was growing by the second.

To destract myself, I shove a shirt into the empty luggage that I had been staring at for the past thirty minutes. I didn't want to pack, for I didn't even want to go.

I don't want to witness the wedding, I was considering to skip it all together. But I know my Dad would find me somehow.

I shove more clothes into the space, trying to pull myself away from the emotions that I currently feel.

But the more I stuff clothes inside the suitcase the more I think about it, and the more my eyes water.

I stop, covering my eyes with a hand. "Fuck," I breathe out. I slam my fist to the ground in frustration from my tears.

Stop crying.

I say to myself,

You don't deserve to cry.

I wipe my tears and stand from the place I once sitting. I take a deep breath in and make my way to the front door, leaving the dorm.

And just as if this couldn't get worse, I see Jungkook leaving the dorm at the same moment as me. We make eye contact, his eyes scan my face at the sight of my red skin.

I walk past him, not looking him in the eyes. "Haeseong," he says softly. I stop, giving in to his tone and concern. "I got a-"

"I'm leaving tomorrow." I turn around to see his face, but it's not what I expected.

His large eyes stare back into mine, his lips turn up into a smile. But as he starts to smile I can feel myself frown, I feel my stomach turning from sickness.

"Bang-pd bought me a plane ticket." He says, my stomach drops. "What?" I ask, even though I heard perfectly well what he had said.

"I'm going to China with you."

———

I couldn't even ask how or why he got the plane ticket in the first place. I tried to, but every time I opened my mouth I would say the wrong things.

I sigh while looking out the car window, I look at the buildings and the people walking by. I try deeply to take my mind off Jungkook although we took separate cars to the airport, in the end I can't control my thoughts.

Somehow, our fans knew we were leaving the country, so as we walked into the airport flashing lights blinded me and a small mob surrounded us.

Jungkook grabs my wrist and navigates through the crowd until we're in a secluded area. He lets go immediately, "I think we're boarding now," he says in a hushed tone while heading to the gate and scanning his ticket, I follow.

The plane ride was quiet, they always are, but it was awkward this time.

I still hadn't known why Bang-pd bought this ticket, or why he even thought it was a good idea, he knows that Jungkook hates me.