Hidden feelings [BTS 8th member]

13.

Guys don't hate me for this chapter....
Also a reminder that Haeseong Father's name is Jianguo and his wife's name is Yulan
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"Hey"  is what I said to Jungkook the morning after.

I hated that I wanted to repeat the words he had said to me last night. The thought itself made me want to rip my hair out.

I made it seem like I hadn't heard what he had said, I mean, I don't know why he had said that. I hoped he meant it platonically, anything other than that would cause problems.

The wedding starts at 6pm, but we were planning on going an hour earlier at 5pm. It wasn't my idea, but Jungkook insisted that we go, even though I told him I didn't want to.

"It will be fun." He said, "Don't you want to spend time with your family?" He asks, I stare at him with envy for how unknowing he is. I want to be mad but he doesn't know any better, he wouldn't understand if I told him anyway.

I sigh, "I guess you're right." I say, disregarding any negative emotion I had because it wasn't valid anymore.

The whole day I tried to bring up what he had said last night but every time I approached him it felt as if he was slipping through my fingers. I mean, what was I even supposed to ask?

"Do you have feelings for me?"

He would deny it in a second.

"What did you mean last night?"

He would ask what I was talking about, and why I had faked being asleep.

"Do you love me?"

No, no. Too straightforward.

As the clock ticks closer to 5pm I feel the loose string in my stomach turn tighter into a knot, and I'm ashamed to say that Jungkook is one of the main reasons for this.

If I just had gone to sleep and stopped thinking about Jungkook. Or if I had just not pretended being asleep.

Maybe then I wouldn't be confused, maybe I would be able to function through this already hard day. But now as each painful second ticks by I have not only the wedding to attend, but I have the nagging thought that Jungkook might love me.

And for every time I think of him loving me I have to ask myself what does he love? Because there is not one feature I can think of that is lovable, at least not to him.

"You ready?" Jungkook says as he pops his head through the doorway of the bathroom. I mask the uneasy feeling as I smile at him, "Yeah.." I say,

I tug at my tie uncomfortably as I walk out of both the bathroom and the hotel room. "What's wrong?" Jungkook asks, I open my mouth to answer but nothing comes out. "I know it's a hard day for you..." he starts,

"Just know I'll be by your side." He smiles at me, I nod. "Hey Jungkook, I actually wanted to talk to you about something-" I start, but I'm quickly interrupted by my Father's entrance.

"Jungkook!" My Dad yells before we get into the hotel elevator, "..and Qing!"

Jungkook laughs, "Aren't you supposed to be getting ready?" He asks, my Father smiles. "I'm already ready, I just wanted to escort you guys myself!" He steps onto the elevator with Jungkook and I.

When we exit the elevator my Dad takes us to his driver. "Alright!" My Dad says after we all squish into the backseat of the car,