Hidden feelings [BTS 8th member]

3.

Today is the day that Big-hit entertainment will officially announce me joining the group.

I sit alone in a chair, feeling multiple eyes on me, but I keep quiet.

"Okay Haeseong, we'll go on air in 5 minutes." One of the staff members says to me while fixing up my makeup.

I only nod my head, afraid that I will lose my breath if I try to speak.

After minutes pass I hear the director say, "Okay, 3..2..1" and now my face is live for thousands to see.

My heartbeat fastens, making my hands sweat and my breaths quicken.

I look up to the director, not knowing what to do. All he does is nod his head, like he's waiting for something.

Then it clicks. I have to introduce myself.

"Hello, My name is Choi Haeseong, and I'm the 8th member of BTS." I say while standing and bowing.

Once I sit back down the interviewer to my right starts to ask me questions.

"What made you want to be an idol?"

I didn't want to be an idol.

"Actually, I wasn't initially going to be an idol. I wanted to be a dance teacher, but Bang-pd scouted me out when he saw my dancing." My voice shakes, but I ignore it.

"Where were you born?"

"Shanghai, China."

"China? But you look Korean?"

"My Mother is Korean, my Father Chinese."

"I imagine they are extremely proud of you."

...

I swallow before answering, "Yeah." But my voice sounds shaky and high.

"Are you getting along well with the members?"

......

No.

Everytime I enter a room I can sense my presence ruining whatever 'good moods' they had before.

Everytime I try to talk to them they act like I'm a foreigner speaking an unfamiliar language.

Everytime I exist around them they make me feel unwanted.

......

"Yeah,"

I smile, "We get along well." The lie falls off my tongue like sludge, leaving a disgusting aftertaste.

"Do you share a room with any of the members?"

"No, I actually have my own room, they are still warming up to me."

Lie

"Who do you get along with the best in BTS?"

"I think I get along with them all well."

Lie

I lie again and again, trying to find a way out of this interview.

"Alright, that is all my questions for today." The interviewer looks at me waiting for me to end the live.

"Bye Army!" I say while waving my hands, it's awkward but not unwatchable.

——-

When I open the dorm door, they all whip their heads to look at me, like they were waiting for me to enter.

Jungkook, Jimin and the other five members are crowded in the kitchen. Like they're all talking about one specific thing.

I wouldn't be surprised if that 'topic' was me.