Hidden feelings [BTS 8th member]

6.

Chapters might come out slower because I have midterms coming up so I've been prioritizing studying instead of writing :( hope you guys understand!

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The Christmas show had been long ended, and now we all sit in the changing rooms. Waiting, I'm not sure on what, but something.

Usually I just follow the other members, when they all get up and leave I do too, when they stay in one place, I stay there too. But only at times like these.

Once one of the members, a rather tall one, exits from some sort of room. He looks at us and smiles, "Let's go out to eat!" The tall man laughs, which reveals a set of dimples at each side of his face.

I don't smile, but I do feel better than I have been feeling. I don't feel suffocated or constantly in a depressive state, I just feel...kind of better? I don't even know if that makes sense.

All the members, including me, stand and head out of the building. Saying our goodbyes to some staff and other idols. Usually when I follow the others, I'm at the end of the group, but now Jungkook occupies that space.

We all sit in our seats we choose earlier, it doesn't really matter where we sit now, mostly because the place we're going out to eat at isn't very far from here.

When we get there we immediately get a 'big' private room for all of us to fit in. But the room is smaller than expected when we walk in.

As expected, Jungkook sits next to me. Which kind of nags me a bit. I clearly told him to leave me alone the other day. Maybe he has a hard time listening.

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A few hours have passed, we still sit in the restaurant, but no one is actively eating. The older members take swigs of Soju, including Taehyung.

It makes me worry a bit, I fear that Taehyung will have much more to say to me when he has alcohol in him.

The tall member from earlier stands once again, smiling drunkenly at another member right next to him. He tries to quickly pull himself together but just ends up looking silly. I want to smile at it but I bite my cheek hard.

"Alright." He says, stumbling over his words, "I almost forgot, it's Christmas!" He laughs, and so do some of the others. "I got some early gifts for you guys!" He stumbles over to his bag and picks up six small gifts wrapped in green and red wrapping paper.

He smiles and passes all the gifts out, but when he gets to me he looks confused. "Wait, who are you again?" He asks, I just look up at him, annoyed and hurt at the same time. I mean it's technically not his fault, he's drunk.

But you know the saying, 'Drunk words are sober thoughts' I scoff at the thought, getting angrier than I should be.

"No seriously, who is this guy!" He laughs and sloppily points at me. He puts two hands on my face and examines me, my eyes go wide and I quickly push him away. "Drop it Namjoon, Just go and sit down." Jungkook orders before I can even yell at the guy myself.

I look at him with a gentle look, a look that he always gives me, a look that I never reciprocate. 'Thank you' is what I want to say, but I don't. I shut my mouth and look away, annoyed by practically everything and everyone right now.

Everyone opens their gifts, which are just ugly matching bracelets for all the members. I laugh, I'm honestly happy I don't have to pretend I like it.

Or maybe I'm just jealous....

It does kind of hurt though, I know I haven't even been in the group for a whole month yet, but I would have expected to be at least noticed by now.

The same guy from before—Namjoon. He shoves a shot of Soju towards me, but I quickly push it away from me. "Come on you! You're the only one not drinking!" He smiles and laughs at me. He's too drunk and out of his mind to realize that his statement is totally wrong. Jungkook and I are the only two not drinking, and it will stay that way, for me at least. "No, I'm only eighteen." I say, quietly. I notice it makes Jungkook's head perk up, but I don't comment on this action. Mostly because I'm still recovering from the fight the other day.