Hidden feelings [BTS 8th member]

2.

Throughout the whole week, I've had to force myself to not pull my hair out.

From waking up at 3am every day and forcing coffee down my throat, then practicing from 3am - 10am. Only to have a 'group practice' hours later (12pm - 3pm) which I'm mostly left out of.

Though I still don't know all their names, I've come to tolerate them. Because I know I would react the same way if I were them.

But there's this one member in particular who I always catch looking at me. He looks younger than the rest of them, and he has big eyes.

Beep

Beep

Beep

I groan as I turn to my side, I quickly shut the alarm off and stand from my spot on the couch.

I look out the windows and see darkness since the sun hasn't quite risen yet.

When I hear a door close then sudden footsteps, I turn around.

It's Jimin, his dyed orange hair is messy and in his face, he gives me a toothy smile. "Why are you up so late?"

The question catches me off guard because I would consider this waking up early, but then again I didn't stay up this late.

"Oh, I was just about to head out and practice." I say quietly, forcing a yawn down my throat.

Jimin's eyes widen a bit, but he keeps to himself. I almost curse at him, I wish someone would ask how I'm doing. It drives me crazy how isolated I am.

Before thinking twice, I quickly slip out of the dorm, not wanting to encounter another conversation with a member.

As I make my way to the studio, I feel extremely tired, worse than I've felt before. It might be from the lack of sleep I get, or from the constant practice I do back to back. But if I don't work myself this hard, I won't be able to prove myself.

————

Hours later, now at the 'group practice' I am once again left out of what the other members are doing.

They play songs I've never heard and dance to dances I've never seen. Watching this makes me want to push myself even more.

I need to get to their level.

As I quietly dance off to the side of the room, one of the members goes to change the song.

And before I know it my body starts dancing to the song, copying exactly what the members are doing. Then I quickly realize that the song they're playing is run.

And even though I'm dancing to the far right side of them, I'm still in sync.

When the one part I can't perfect plays, I fall to the ground, again. This time it hurts much more, and it's harder to get up. Only a few members pay attention to my fall; Jimin, the youngest one, and the one with teal hair.

As the song keeps playing, I don't follow along anymore, I keep trying to perfect that move. But again, and again, I fall.

I fall so many times I expect it when I retry it again and again.

I fall so many times that my knees suddenly turn bruised. I ignore it, though the pain does bother me. Deeply.

At the end of practice Jimin walks up to me, "You okay?" He asks before taking a sip out of his water bottle. I nod, not saying anything.

"Let's go," Jimin says while signaling me to follow him and the other members to leave."I'm going to practice a bit more." I say quietly, and Jimin nods, yet again keeping to himself.