Hidden feelings [BTS 8th member]

1.

December, 2nd 2015 . The day in which I stand in my living room debating the thought of whether to leave or not.

A voice in my head, a nagging one, calls out to me. It begs me over and over, not to go.

"Whatever" I say under my breath, it's not like I could bear to stand on my feet any longer.

As I finally confront the thought of leaving, I let a sigh escape my mouth, a shaken one. Like I'm scared of what's to come. Maybe I am. I wouldn't doubt it.

Before leaving behind my small one-bedroom apartment, that I've unfortunately come to terms that I might never see again. I look around at the empty kitchen to the left, and the bare space I used to call a living room on my right.

Fuck.

I think to myself, I really don't want to do this.

————

When I arrive at the small building I feel a clot build in my chest, one that makes me fear I might throw up, which makes me even more nervous than I was minutes ago. I quickly stumble out of my thoughts and open the door to the small-ish building before me.

Big letters that say BIGHIT
ENTERTAINMENT line the doors up and down.

When I enter the receptionist perks up at my appearance, like she's been waiting for me. When I walk up to the desk she studies me before speaking.

"Name?" She says bluntly while typing on her computer, I sigh and look to my left, avoiding her eye contact.

"Choi Haeseong." I say, my voice sounding more anxious than I'd like it to be. The receptionist almost looks excited when I say my name, "Alright Haeseong, just wait here until the CEO comes and gets you." She says with a smile.

I stand there awkwardly. Partially because there are no chairs to wait in, and the other part is because Im extremely nervous. The amount of anxiety where it feels like your emotions could just spill all over the place.

After what seemed like hours of waiting, Bang-pd finally shows up, he looks distraught. Like he'd just gotten in a fight with someone. When he spots me he smiles half heartedly, "come this way."

As I follow him through the halls, I feel my stomach turning each step of the way.

When we finally reach his office he opens the door slowly, like the weight of the door is too heavy for his arms. (LOL I giggled while writing that)

Bang-pd puts out his arm signaling to the chair, I follow his orders and sit down, so does he. "Okay, okay." Bang-pd says in English, "Haeseong, as you know you've been called here today because you have gotten scouted for your dancing." He clicks his pen on the desk over and over. It drives me crazy but I keep quiet.

"I know this might be a lot to take in," He says, looking at me like I might break at any moment, I might be over-exaggerating, but I feel like I'll faint instead. "But I want you to join an already existing group."

My eyes go wide, and my heart almost stops.

"Look, this group.." he looks down at his papers, like he's analyzing something important. "They're extremely talented, but there's something missing." - he looks at me as if I understand - "You know?"

I only nod in agreement, because I know I have no other choice but to follow along if I really want a career that lasts.

"I want you to be the 8th member of bts."

What.

My breath feels stammered and my hands clam up. Even though I had heard the group name bts before, my mind goes blank when I try to imagine them.