Unwanted Addiction

Chapter 4

Dhruv

I stirred around in my sleep bothered by the continuous Cham Cham (sound of Anklets) ringing in my ears and soon I found myself opening my eyes and looking at the source of the sound, no the certain someone who was behind the sound. 

My wife

Natasha, I saw her getting ready for the pooja, she was wearing a nauvari saree (Maharashtrian traditional saree), pretty pink with a golden print, I wondered about the symmetrical design cutting through the fabric in different patterns but no matter how hard I tried, It was hard to look away, look away from the epitome of beauty standing in front of me.

Her pale fair skin glowed against the pink hue draped around her luscious curves. She was wearing jewellery, first earrings, left ear. I kept watching mesmerised, every step of hers. Her long slender fingers hooked the small gold trinket in her ear, first left then right and suddenly her eyes met mine through the mirror and she stopped all of a sudden breaking the spell she cast on me and turned around to look towards me. 

And she whisked my breath away, her almond eyes caging the honey orbs, her button nose where I can feel my finger sliding downwards towards her soft plump lips tugging them and violating them soon after, those lovely red cheeks, I would love to bite, the slender neck, I would love to kiss and her beauty bone, I would love to mark and that hateful drape of saree around her chest I would love to snatch and tear away to see further which is pinned to her shoulder, the round milky shoulders, all mine, from head to toe.

I was lying down with my head resting on my palm supported by my elbow on the mattress drinking her slowly despite knowing very well I shouldn't but 

mai apne is dil ko thamu kaise, kaise in aakhon ko roku jo sirf use dekhti rehti hai, har pal, har samay, vo deewana dil jo ab kayal ho gya uski us kaatilana muskurahat ka, us roop ka, jo na kabhi pehle maine kabhi dekha aur na shayad aisa kahi hai. Swarag ki apsarao se bhi sundar, raat ki pariyo se bhi pyaari, husnwalo ki uske samne kya bisat par dard is baat ka, vo meri hone ke bawjood bhi meri nhi. 

(how should I stop this foolish heart of mine, these unforgivable eyes of mine? who keeps finding her every moment, every time. This foolish heart who has become crazy about her, about that breathtaking smile of hers, her beauty which I have never seen before, she is one in a million and there isn't anyone like her. She is prettier than divine nymphs, fairies of night. What is the value of beautiful people in front of her, however, the only painful thing is she isn't mine even after being mine.)

I can't ruin her when she is this innocent and stunning. She doesn't know about me, about that dirty chapter of my life which I tore off harshly, the ashamed moments, the monster I am. How can I give this marriage a chance when I never wanted this in the first place and how should I act now when all I can see is these foreign emotions, the whirlwind clouding my judgement, my decisions when all I can see is her? All I can feel is her. 

At first, I abhorred her but knowing her slowly from afar secretly this one week, I can't stay firm on my decision however I can't show that to her, all this turmoil, I need to stop this and stop myself from  swaying around her no matter what it ta--

I slowly stood up from the bed not breaking eye contact with her and found her holding the gaze which not many are able to and it caused my lips to tilt upwards, probably a smirk, probably a grin, I don't know, I can't think, all I can think about is her. I reached her already going back on what I promised myself. Her chest heaving and I could tell she was nervous. Her cheeks slowly got redder and it took me a hard push to snatch my gaze away from her enchanting chest movement.

I went behind her, shifting her still-wet hair to the side, revealing her bare back held intact with a slender strip below and a slithering thin dori (String). 

'How Lucky' I murmured to myself eyeing that dori (String)

"Sheeshe me dekho" (Look into the mirror) I told her and she followed turning slowly towards the mirror and looking at me from the silver glass. 

I took the necklace kept on the table and brought it closer to her slender neck, the cold metal making her shudder a little as I noticed her clenching her hands and fisting the pallu (drape) of her saree. I slowly held the reigns of that necklace caressing her back in the process as she let out a breath moving forward feeling my fingers on her bare back. I didn't stop looking at her, didn't stop stroking her back gently bringing the pearl tied on the dori (String) upwards of the gold necklace painfully slow.

I leaned towards her ear when I was about to be done, still not releasing the necklace string from my hands. 

"Ye payal mat pehna karo varna kab mujhe roz subah ise sunne ki aadat lag jayegi, tumhe pata bhi nhi chalega aur meri aadat zaldi se jati nhi (Don't wear these anklets otherwise I don't know when I will develop a habit to listen to them every morning and you wouldn't even know. My habits are quite hard to leave and are almost unchangeable) and you don't want the things I imagine in my head because of them happen to you neither me" I whispered the last words before leaving her ripe red, my favourite colour from now and going towards the bathroom to help myself and match her saree with my dhoti and kurta.