𝐏𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨́𝐧 𝐈𝐯𝐲

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐𝟏.

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯
'Bodyguard,' Beyoncè🎶🎧

Smiley's Pov
I was surprised to hear those three words from her; it was as if my ears were playing tricks on me. The most wonderful thing was detecting the sincerity in her voice—it felt genuine and heartfelt. Ivy's words and the way she spoke seemed to soothe my past pains. I had mixed feelings, though. Part of me regretted reacting harshly and not reciprocating her declaration of love, while another part was anxious that my lack of response might be causing us to drift apart.

It wasn't because I didn't love her back; I did.

I silently wished she'd get my point of view, but I could see she wanted things between us to be straightforward. That's a tough ask, though, especially with the ups and downs of dating a person with a bipolar disorder. What was she expecting from someone with such a condition? Prior to this, the concept of love was foreign to me, but now I see that's not true, and it's absent with me. It's just that the love I feel doesn't follow the usual rules.

Initially, I harbored a desire to cause her mental pain, but that decision has since faded. Now, my intention is to cherish her in the manner she rightfully deserved. I'm acutely aware that she's beyond what I could ever offer to her, yet there's no part of me prepared to allow her to someone who matches her worth. I am determined on my decision to not let her slip away; I simply cannot.

I felt we were getting too deep into this shit to let go now.

My intention was to take her on a picnic atop a mountain, surrounded by the melody of a cascading waterfall. I envisioned this setting as the perfect backdrop to explain my emotions and to attentively listen to her thoughts as well. Beyond this, my aim was to infuse a sense of simplicity into our relationship. I yearned to make her feel cherished and ordinary, despite my belief that she was anything but normal. Taking her on this date would be the perfect start.

It was rather humorous to observe Ivy's determination to stand behind me, despite her intimate knowledge of my darker capabilities. Her attitude seemed to romanticize our partnership as if we were embarking on a mission similar of the legendary outlaws Bonnie and Clyde, which was cute of her. Ivy might try to convince both herself and me that she isn't as deeply fucked up as I am, but that was hard to believe. Maybe it's my own psychological complexities that give me this ability to see through people, even when they don't utter a word.

I had already told her earlier that I was planning to take her out on a picnic date. The excitement in her voice was palpable when I informed her about our plans for the day. She couldn't stop expressing her surprise at never having been on a picnic date or any date for that matter. It was hard to believe, but her words made me feel incredibly empowered in the best possible way.

I didn't know how to react to being her first, but I was going to make sure I'd be her first and last.

Clasping the medication, I delicately positioned it on my tongue and chased it down with nothing but my own saliva, foregoing the comfort of water. Ivy might have casually mentioned that my taking the meds was inconsequential, but for the sake of our date, I wanted to ensure an impeccable experience for her, even if it meant I'd be emotionally dulled for not just the day, but potentially the week. Peering into the mirror, I saw the reflection of someone with eyes that were drained. It's not a lack of joy—I do feel happy, thanks to Ivy. However, irrespective of her presence, a persistent sense of exhaustion and depletion clung to me.