Guilty | Woosan 18+

29 🔞

W o o y o u n g.
San simply stood there. His arms crossed and his gaze cold. He made me nervous but I was able to overplay it whilst holding my little speech. And damn yes, I was actually proud of myself for telling him these words.

"You didn't answer my fucking question. Are you playing games with me or not? Are you interested in the same as me-" he took a step closer whereupon I gulped. "Or not?" he added.

My mouth went dry. I wanted to say so much, so so much but I didn't find the right words. Was I actually playing games? I started to question myself and my own actions. I don't want to fight, but I want to tell him the truth.

I bit my lip, took a deep breath and made eye contact with the taller even though It surely wasn't easy to focus when his dark forest eyes met my hazelnut ones. Focus.

"I want the same as you, San. And that's my final answer..yet I don't know whether I can give you what you need. If you want me to leave everything behind me-" I took a shaky breath trying to not sound too hurt. "I don't know if I am ready for that" I finished my sentence with a lot of pain and regret in my chest

My ears got red, my chest got heavy and my cheeks must've gotten so pale that San needed to make sure that I was fine. A look of concern rushing over his facade. "I didn't know that you weren't fine with the pacing" he commented and took one step forward. God, don't get closer.

"I-It's just-" I hated myself for stuttering. "I don't know how far I'd go, San. Maybe I am ready for all of this, maybe I am not. I just don't know how we should go on..I don't even known if I am able to tell Felix what we've done" I whispered the last sentence yet San heard every little doubt I had.

I wanted to tell Felix what we've done. I really wanted. It was so unfair to not tell him the truth and continue this sort of play. For me, Felix was a friend, a good friend - but not a lover. And I should've noticed that before I cheated on him so ruthlessly.

But I wasn't able to change what happened. I couldn't change the past and I couldn't change my mind either. I didn't want to. The fire that San made me feel was something I've never felt before. It was simply the most intense nerve wrecking feeling that would make me go insane one day.

"What you offer me will always be enough, Wooyoung. I know that I made you fear my needs when I-" he paused. "Acted like the way I did. I know my view on relationships might be intimidating and also not the healthiest. But I will change for the better. We need to figure these things out,  together" he pointed out, visibly frustrated since I wasn't willing to go down this path with him.

It was ironic. I went so far, took so many risks, cheated and lied and I still wasn't willing to simply accept what the man in front of me offered me. San was successful, smart, ambitious and absolutely kind, and yet something still told me to simply stop this relationship that was growing between us

"We don't have to put a title on our relationship now. We im don't have to set up any rules yet and if you're ready, we'll figure things out" San suddenly got closer as he talked and out his hand on my waist, which made me feel like I just saw stare around me.

The spot he touched immediately tickled, made me feel excited and youthful. I gulped. There was no way I could deny my feeling nor hide them. I took a deep breath and simply nodded.

"Alright" I whispered, now sure that I simply wanted this fork day one. Of course I did. Choi San was a sin and I couldn't take myself back from it.

His lips made his way to my cheek and he pressed a little kiss on it leaving a sparkly feeling behind. I closed my eyes for a second, enjoying his soft touch, as if it was the last time he'd touch me.

Suddenly a loud noise interrupted us. San and I still stood there, his hands around my waist and his lips right next to my cheek, only millimeters away from each other. I took a sharp shaky breath and looked at the big wooden front door, that was no widely opened.

A person, smaller than Felix, youthful and petite stood in the doorframe, eyes widened and jaw dropped. Pale facade and big doe eyes. Her eyes captured us. Lia.

Her shoes were covered in snow and in her left hand she held a big black shovel with which she probably shoveled the powdery fresh snow away from the door, which would've saved us from here. But we surely didn't want to be saved.

San took a step back but too late. Lia saw us. She saw the whole scene and she was shocked and sad at one time. "W-What" she stuttered, visibly ashamed. My face went pale and I gulped loudly lost for words.

San was the first one to say her name "Lia this is not what-" she interrupted him with an angry voice. "How could you do this to Felix?!" Her face almost turning red from the anger she felt. My heart dropped when I heard her sadness through her voice.

I took another step back to San willing to walk over to her but she already threw down the shovel with an angry movement and left the hut without even closing the front door. The cold wind met my face when I looked after her, pale as ever.

It was the first time I've actually realized what I did.
And now she'd tell Felix.

A/N:
I am so so sorry! I needed a little break since exam season started. I was very busy and I hope I didn't make you wait for too long. This story continues from now on per usual

Thank you for being so patient ❤️