Uncertain white

Cessation & Death

This whole incident was going on in his mind, and while thinking he entered the class as he was late, and sat on the corner front bench which is usually a vacant area in a class of 250 students. It was on the 6th floor of the building. The physics teacher was teaching about radioactivity and how radiation could kill a human and told about the gamma rays involved in the damage caused by nuclear bombs.

After the class, while heading back he was thinking about the food he would be eating, after finishing brunch, while heading towards his room he saw whitish paint on the doors of the hostel, even on his door but ignored it and got to his daily routine as usual. Later in the evening, he was on a walk with his friend Immanuel. They were talking about the music industry and stuff.

And he told him that whitish paint was actually an insecticidal spray. After getting back He started to collect that whitish paint which was converted into a powder form by scraping and scratching from the doors and walls, while having dinner he was searching for its chemical formula and its properties, and he found to be pyrethroids but this small amount was not enough to kill a human being. "But this food from the hostel mess could surely kill one, '' he thought sarcastically. This was me 'Ashby'

At night, I was in my room reading a book while drinking hot milk, trying to introspect and reflect back, on how my life turned from a champion of place to a lone eagle in the sky. It took me 2 years back

I was a topper of my school a bright student, I was concept artist (freelancing)

a football player has good friends, a progressive person I was. But I started thinking what if I could be alone with no one to disturb me, I could change the world with my hardworking attitude and dedication like Srinivasa Ramanujan, and could make myself a stronger person and independent. I just need to be alone, that's it. And as my favorite book 'Secret'

Tell me, you will create what you think, feel, and experience, so it was just a matter of time, everything vanished around when I landed in the education hub of country Caot firstly, I became an eagle then sooner alone. I am a person who accepts things as they are and lives with them, maybe easygoing as time passes by. I became more familiar with my darker side, some of which were human tendencies. Accepting that I was meant to be alone forever and slowly I became an emotionless cold, stone-hearted person who couldn't feel much.

I came back from the past and after brushing my teeth, I was ready to sleep. Before that, I saw the photo of my grandfather. The next day I saw a poster near my classroom and as I looked at it I was totally shocked, all my vicious memories of the past appeared on the retina of my eyes.........

The poster was 'Talk about depression' . This was going to happen today. I got into the class, the first class was chemistry

'Nucleophilic substitution reaction in aromatic diazonium' was the topic, the teacher told us about absolute alcohol ( CH3-CH2-OH was a reagent) and how the industrialist saved it from stealing, by mixing it with methanol (CH3-OH) made it poison, a small amount of the mixture could make a human blind, and few more ml is enough to kill. After this period it was time for the session, a young age woman came in and introduced herself as a psychologist started with her own story of how she went into depression but I wasn't listening, I was just lost in the memories of a year ago how I was going through the first depression of my life (let's call it D1), there was not a particular reason but a stack of them together making it. My score in fortnightly tests was not increasing.
score was constant, I wanted to prepare for Olympiads too but I couldn't make it even though I didn't get a chance in the 1st stage exam. The climate of this new city was the worst.

Earlier that year there was a girl who became my friend ( she was my childhood crush) I was thinking of asking her out but her way of talking and attitude told telling that she did not want a relationship, so I was waiting for the right time but later when we met, she told me that got a bf although that boy was very rude, type of bad boy and didn't suit the girl at all I was silent without risking the friendship. A few days later I went to Caot and didn't know where she was and lost my connection. I spent months thinking about how she was. Where is she? But I hope she'll be back. She was Samriddhi.

Till the time I was getting better in the mid-cold December, another Aftershock was waiting and that was my diagnosis with complex partial seizures, mainly the radiological reports indicating hypersensitivity in the hypothalamus, the symptoms of this were very clear like daydreaming and blackouts.
Beeeeee!!.........