Midnight ☆ L.H (au)

fifteen

7:20 am - ANASTASIA BYNES
*3 hours behind New York

Connie acted like everything was fine the entire car ride to the airport, even turning around to make some inside jokes that we shared collectively. Thomas drove us in Jan's car since Connie and I were too hungover to even move.

I knew she wasn't mad, just confused. But I can't blame her.

I was equally confused.

We all exchanged hugs and I told Connie that I was thankful for her, to which she replied. "I'm always thankful for you, Ana."

Calum was gone by the time I woke up, leaving me to a jumble of my sheets. His side of the bed was a mess to say the least, and he had kept me up all night complaining that the bed was uncomfortable.

Can't afford a bed frame, that is not my problem.

Spotting my mother's car in the carport, I begin to slow my walk to a mere shuffle. I ran out on her, and now I have to face her. The plane ride was only a couple of hours, which I slept the whole way there. Sunglasses blocking my sensitive eyes, I put on a controlled smile.

"Anastasia! My baby!!!" She squeals from the rolled-down window, sticking her arm out and waving. I give a brief wave back and begin loading my stuff into the trunk.

Kill me now.

The two and a half hour drive back to my childhood home is filled with melancholia that I've never quite felt before. It's a feeling of nostalgia, of longing for something that's long gone. But it's also a feeling of uncertainty, of not knowing what the future holds.

Our house is on the top of a hill which overlooked a small river. My backyard, or what you could consider open land, was just forest upon forest. During the summertime, Connie, Calum and I would find ourself driving along the coast. My father was a lawyer in Portland while my mother being head of neurology in Salem, our home was paid off before I was born.

I managed to pay through high school and college working at a coffee shop by the university. They asked me for $900 in rent the moment I turned 18 and told me they wouldn't help me with anything college related. My money situation was so bad, everyone around me felt horrible. Towards the end of my senior year of high school, I accepted a small loan from Calum's parents after fighting with my parents for years.

Suddenly moving to New York shouldn't have been a surprise to them.

As my mother pulls the car into the driveway, the silence between us is almost unbearable. I can't take it anymore, the weight of it all. I turn to her, searching her eyes for some sort of connection, some sort of loving gaze. But all I see is the same melancholy that I feel, the tension is still thick in the air.

We sit there in silence for what seems like an eternity, neither of us able to move or say a word.

I go to turn the radio on and am met with static on each station. My mother begins to tap the steering wheel, seemingly annoyed- so I switch it off and look out the window instead.

Finally, after what feels like forever, my mother speaks as we pull into our driveway. Her voice is quiet, almost a whisper, but there's a sadness there that breaks my heart. "I just don't understand why you left."

I stare out the window, sighing, before clicking my seatbelt off. Pushing open the car door, I slam it behind me. I don't want to fight with her—I really don't.

Inside, the house looked the same as when I left. The walls are littered with all of the family's achievements, of course, my mother's and father's outshine mine. I only had a high school diploma and a nursing aid degree.