Lilies and Lullabies

XVII. Be happy

The sun is already setting and the wind has started to get colder. Silas and I stayed in the chapel, holding each other while talking about the past. I told him what I pictured in his future. Him, becoming a prominent architect in this town, and also in the whole country. I told him that he should attend Mirae's graduation. Mira and Liam's wedding. 

“Try to fall in love—” 

He cut me off, “No.” 

I sighed, I opened my lips to say something but he kissed me to cut me off.

“I'll only fall for you, understand?” he squinted his eyes. 

I pursed my lips, staring at him. He does the same. “But don't close your door with the chance to find another.” 

He cupped my cheeks, “Ikaw ba si kulit, ha? Ang kulit mo, ah.” 

I pouted but he just kissed me again. 

“Tama na nga, tsansing ka na.” pang-iinis ko sa kanya.

Ngumisi siya. “Mahal, five years.” 

I pinched his arm and smiled sweetly. Napangiwi na lang siya at sinamaan ako ng tingin. 

“Joke aside, mahal, I won't mind—”

“But I would. Mahal, let me love you even after years. Decades. Kahit gaano katagal, it's me who will decide that, Miko. And my heart will always choose to love you.” he brushed his pointed noses in my cheeks.

Hindi na ako lumaban dahil talo na ako sa lambing ng boses niya. Nang tuluyang magdilim ay napagpasyahan na naming bumalik kami sa campsite, may bonfire na ro'n at kumakain na sila. Maaga nagpahinga sila Lola kasama si Mirae. They let the five of us spend the night in the bonfire. Tahimik kaming lima dahil hindi rin namin alam kung saan magsisimula.

Mira and I haven't really talked since she heard about the euthanasia. Hindi pa kami nagkakaroon ng pagkakataon na pag-usapan ang bagay na ‘yon dahil alam kong nakabaon pa sa kanya ang sakit na dulot ko. We've been together for so long and I know it's painful for her to know that her best friend planned something without her knowing, and the fact that I'll be leaving her for good. 

I think Silas felt that I had to talk with Mira, that's why he invited the two to accompany him to buy some food and drinks in the nearest 7-eleven.

Nang makaalis ang tatlo ay natahimik ang paligid. Mira and I just stared at the fire and heated our marshmallows. Para kaming sira na dalawa dahil sa tuwing titingin ako sa kanya ay mag-aangat din siya ng tingin sa akin at sabay kaming iiwas. We both sighed in unison and it made us laugh because we're probably looking so stupid right now.

Lumipat ako sa tabi niya at tinanaw ang maliwanag na kalangitan. Ang daming stars sa itaas at sobrang ganda pagmasdan ng mga ‘yon. 

“Mira,”

“Emi,” 

We looked at each other after we mumbled each other's name. Napatitig kami sa isa't isa at hindi namin napigilang humagikgik kasi ganito rin kami dati-rati, ang kaibahan lang ay dati ganito kami kapag iisa na lang ang natitirang tinapay sa hapag at pareho pa naming gusto kumain… ngayon ay mas mabigat, mas masakit.

She inhaled and stared at the sky before deciding to talk. “Hindi ko pa rin tanggap, Emi, we have so many dreams together. I can't see the future without you by my side, mula una kasama kita, eh, how can I start a life without you. I know my father gave you so many nightmares, and I apologize for that. Hindi ko mababawi kung paano ka saktan at pahirapan ng lalaking ‘yon, Emi, pero gusto kong mag-sorry…”

I shook my head, “His sin was never yours, Mira.”

Tumango siya at humawak sa pulso ko para damhin ang peklat doon. “Emi, I still can't accept it… but I understand you, and I'm trying to let it go day by day…” she sobbed.