The Mute

27

Excerpts From Valerie’s Diary.

Loneliness.

Loneliness is not a curse. It's a safe haven for those who want to escape reality; to ward off unwanted company.

Loneliness throws a whole new perspective on life, makes the loner view the world as it is and accept the inevitable truth that in the end we’re utterly and infinitely alone.

Loneliness is a dreaded disease but some welcome it, crave it to hide, to wallow in self-pity and prepare themselves like warriors readying for a battle so they'll never be hurt again, never be vulnerable.

To some it's a relieve, a place they could heal, to deal with their pain and be rid of misery; only they are subjected to more agony with the realisation of being the most abandoned and love-deprived souls.

If only loneliness could be understood, it would be a miracle to every desolate soul like it is to the open-minded loners roaming the earth.

Loneliness is like a siren, drawing in the unfortunate souls, caging their mind, devouring them whole; body, heart and soul into an abyss of nothingness...

Of void. Where only the strongest and broken hearts; souls, are trapped.

Am I lonely?

Am I alone?

Am I miserable?

YES! YES! YES!

I feel empty. I feel unwanted and lost. I'm imprisoned in a world of pain and sorrow. I wish my heart would stop aching.

I wish the pain would fade away and I could go back to my once happy self.

But without mommy who would love me? Abuelita and Acio are gone. I don't know when they'll be back. Daddy doesn't love me anymore. Regina broke her promise.

Who will accept me? Why can't they love me! Why can't they care for me! Am I not a person too! Why won't they make the effort?

Am I so useless that they can't spend time with me? Am I so different? Can't I be loved and cared for like everyone else? Is asking for love too much?

Why do I have to be like this? Why do I have to love and hate my lonely? Why do they hurt and make me hate myself so?

WHY?

Would I continue to drown in misery? To be denied the love I so desperately crave?

Would I ever be happy?

Or is loneliness my only escape now?