delicate ~ L.W

Chapter 19: Tension and Concern

I'm cooking dinner in my kitchen for Ffion and I, the sizzling of the pan filling the void of silence. As I stir the plan I can't help but allow my mind to cast back to her... Leah Williamson... My thoughts start to trail off, thinking over the moments I've had with her. I start to smile softly. I'm so caught up in my own thoughts, I don't notice Ffion enter the kitchen until I hear a slight cough, demanding my attention.

I blink a few times, turning to face her, slipping back into reality and out of the utopia I created around the thoughts of Leah. Ffion smirks over at me and raises her eyebrows, leaning against the kitchen counter, "what's the smile for, Els?" she teases.

I roll my eyes and point at her with the spatula, stating one word with a clear authoritarian tone, "don't."

She laughs softly, the melody pairing with the sizzling of the pan, further filling the silence, "what?" she shrugs, "I didn't even say anything."

I focus my attention onto the stirfry in the plan, mixing the sauce into the noodles, veg, and chicken. I speak softly, "you didn't have to. But, you may as well now. Go on, Ffi. What d'you wanna say?"

She moves closer to me tentatively and hints "so... you and that Leah girl have been hanging around a lot..."

I sigh softly, stirring the pan.

She shakes her head and speaks softly, "if you don't wanna talk about it that's fine, I just- I guess I wanna know where your head's at. I mean, we haven't talked much recently and I... I've noticed you've been... tense? Are your panic attacks coming back? I know moving again probably brought up shit you repressed from-"

"Stop!" I cut Ffion off, "just stop, Ffion. I'm fine, nothing's repressed, and Leah is a friend!" I snap defensively.

Ffion raises her eyebrows along with her voice, "I know when you are not fine Ellie Marie Jones! Don't you dare try to lie to me!" she takes a deep breath, calming herself, collecting herself, "I understand if you don't wanna talk about whatever's going on with you and Leah, but don't try and tell me you and her are nothing more than friends. The one thing I will not let you do is lie to me about how you're feeling about everything else. I know when you're struggling, Ellie, so don't try to lie to my goddamn face."'

I clench my jaw, "just because you're my sister, doesn't give you the right to demand shit from me. You aren't entitled to anything, Ffion!" I speak defensively.

She shakes her head and scoffs, "oh, really? Considering the fact that we moved out when I was 16 and you were 18, I think I deserve some fucking clarity on how the only family member I have that isn't dead or cut off is coping!"

I gulp softly, staying silent, taken aback by the mention of the past, the past we tried to run from, the past that's starting to catch up. You can't run away from things forever... as much as I'd like to...

I place a serving of the stir fry onto a plate, the rest I portion up into tupperwares.

Ffion places her hand on my tattooed forearm, knowing she's gone too far. I shrug her off, and she gulps softly and speaks quietly, "I'm sorry, Ellie. I shouldn't have-"

I raise my hand, cutting her off, speaking emotionlessly, stone-faced, "I'm going out. Your food's ready, there's pop in the fridge. Put the leftovers in the fridge when they cool down."

I start to walk out of the kitchen when Ffion grabs my wrist and pleads with me, "we can't keep running away, Ellie. You can't keep running away. If you don't talk about it, it'll always affect you. It will always be at the forefront of your mind. You're always gonna get that little voice in the back of your mind, reminding you of it."

I rip my wrist out of her grip, simply uttering one word before storming out of the house with my car keys, "I'll be back tomorrow or in a couple of days." I slam the door behind me, jumping in my car and speeding off.

AN: It's been a hot minute! I've had a lot of shit going on recently, and writer's block is NOT useful when you have an english exam where creative writing is worth a whole lot of marks, lol. Sorry it's taken so long since the last chapter, guys. I will be trying to write more now that I'm done with exams. This one's super short because it sets up nice for the next chapter and shows Ffi and Ellie's dynamic. Comment any theories or general comments/ideas, guys! I love getting your input x