Mary Oceans Hurts

Lola

Monday

Something went wrong. It wasn't supposed to go like this. When will my misery ever end?

"I am sorry for your loss." Said the doctor.

It rained all day. A thunderstorm. They wouldn't let me see grandma until after her body was ready for the funeral. My sobs didn't allow me to breathe. My whole body felt heavy and my heart ached. I wouldn't hear grandma's voice again, I would never see her cut her green apples into little slices. She would never comfort me in my times of need.

I called a cousin from my father's side and told her what had happened. My aunt-her daughter- would handle the funeral and cremation. When Hazel and mom heard about it, so did Mr Macallister.

"I'm so sorry, Mary. I wish I could be there with you." Said Hazel through the phone, she had taken a week long trip the same day of grandma's death. Mom just sent me a text that read 'I'm sorry for your loss.' I had preferred she sent nothing. She hated grandma for the sin of giving birth to my biological father.

Tuesday

I had not eaten since it happened and my phone was on airplane mode. I couldn't deal with any calls. Grandma was my life support. What would I do without her? I cried without seizing. I tried calling Mr Macallister to tell him why I didn't show up to work but each time I picked up the phone my body stopped me and blinding tears filled my eyes.

It had been raining since Monday night, a heavy thunderstorm that scared even the birds. It was dark and foggy. I heard a loud knock that was almost camouflaged by thunder. I got up and just stared at the door.

KNOCK-KNOCK

It was loud and clear. I went to the door and wiped my tears before opening it. It was Mr Macallister standing there in all his glory. His jacket had gotten slightly wet and so did his hair. His face was drenched in worry and his eyes analyzed me cautiously. I finally let him in and took off his jacket. He searched for my eyes while I pulled the sleeves off his arms, but I didn't look up. I knew what it would do to me.

"Look at me." He whispered agony tainted his tone.

I did. I looked into those pure black eyes that carried so much tenderness and felt something deep in my core. My eyes watered and sobs poured out.
I felt him cup my face and pull me into him. The warmth from his body engulfed me like a hot blanket. I looked up at him and managed to say with a small faint voice "She's gone." It was like breaking the news to myself all over again. I started crying without seizing. I felt his big arms pick me up bridal style and carry me to the couch. He placed me down gently and let himself fall onto my side. His hands modestly lifted my legs unto the couch and hugged me tight my head falling on his shoulder, our bodies melted into each other. Two jigsaw pieces.

“You know I talked to grandma before I gave up my bakery and moved into her cottage and she told me that her time was coming to an end and that I shouldn't give up my dreams for her. That made me angry. How could she say that when she was the only person that really cared for me and loved me without conditions? The only person I ever truly had.” I didn't know why I felt so comfortable as to tell him all of this.

“You have me now. And there will be no conditions.” His words were like honey, warm raw honey.

I lost awareness of time and fell asleep in his arms. I was only shocked awake when he lifted me up and placed me on my bed, under the comfort of my sheets.

"Don't leave." I whispered half asleep.

"I won't." He assured me in the same volume, placing a small kiss on my lips. His lips were soft and sweet, warm and delicate better than toasted marshmallows.

He held me in his arms the entirety of the night. His hands never made me feel dirty or damaged. His scent was kind and warm. The kind of warmth that fills your home after you bake cookies. When I was shaken awake by my night terrors he kissed me back to sleep. Whispering "I am here love, go back to sleep."

The sun rose, I felt his body detach from mine. My eyes remained closed while my hands reached for him, slightly caressing his arm when I did. He lifted my hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it.

"Get some sleep. I'll call you later." Of course he would leave, he's a busy man. But my bed didn't feel the same after him and sleeping didn't feel as safe after him.

Needless to say, the feeling of loss came back and I spiraled back into sadness.

Charles did keep his promise and called me. His voice comforted me and each time he spoke my lips curled up.

The funeral left me distraught, it was confirmation that grandma would never come back. She left me her cottage but it wouldn't feel the same without her. I remembered visiting her for weeks at a time when I wanted to escape home and climbing up the trees that surround it and baking with her by my side. But I was glad she left it to me. Her children and my cousins wouldn't know how to appreciate the place.

Charles was busy so I didn't see him at all for a couple of days even though he called. Hazel came by to hug and cry with me a little but didn't stay for long. So I grieved in solitude, but it was nothing new.

It was monday again and I allowed my alarm to wake me up. I couldn't stay in the cottage and let life pass me by so I got on my feet, took a cold shower, I cried in the shower, made breakfast which reminded me of grandma so I cried then too, and took myself to Listers.

"Long time no see." Smiled redhead. I missed her not, but I smiled out of politeness.

"Good morning." I whispered to Jane who had her head down and didn't see me coming.

"You're back!" She came around her desk and hugged me, spinning me around in the process.

"I'm so sorry about your grandma, I can imagine she loved you dearly." She was kind but I didn't want to hear it.

"I missed you too, Jane." I smiled. She was the closest thing I had to a friend in the office.

"Oh my gosh, thank the Lord you are back. Mr Macallister is a hot mess without you here." She said letting out a loud cackle then covering her mouth. We both laughed at the occurrence.

I made my way into the office and everything looked exactly the same, same boring faces, same miserable expressions. I turned my computer on and dropped my coffee on my desk before going into Mr Macallister's office.

YES I KNOW IS A SHORT ONE :( IM REALLY SORRY!!

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