One of 10 - Nicole Lee Snsd

17.One last time

The end of 2016 and 2017 was filled of me doing mini celebrations of my 10th anniversary of arriving in Seoul. I couldn't believe it had been 10 years! In my mind I thought of the future of my band and my career. Truth is in Korea as an entertainer you are only allowed to sign for a 7 years contract. We as you know signed for 10 and pretended to only sign 7 and then extend.In the contract it said something like 'Here by I sign on that I will fullfill my duties under SM Entertainment' if my duties are not done I hear by promise I will extend this contract until the end of SM Entertainment's requirements. 

I was called into the office at SM that May.
In the room sat Lee SoMan and the other CEO and so forth.Basically the men that almost fired me because of the "Gee" incident.
"You know the contract expires in June"
"Yes" I said and nodded. I thought that they were going to say I had to leave in June and that the other girls would continue.Because I knew I wasn't staying.
"We were thinking we could extend your contract by a few months to promote and celebrate the 10th Anniversary."
"Ok that sounds great"I say and feel optimistic.I'm going to be with my sisters longer.
"If you then wish to extend the contract, that contract will be for 7 years if you wish."
And by that they really meant 7 years.Even though we the girls were close we didn't really talk about our contracts that much. The members kinda knew I was going.Several reasons made me want to leave.

Never getting answers around Jessica was one thing.  On top of everything else.I remember thinking back to the stupid way the staff tried to talk to me about doing my own make-up. Or how they almost fired me after "Gee" but never apolagized.How when my mom came to sit on "live with Kelly" in New York I had to call,find and pay for my mom's ticket myself.No assistant for such big stars like us. How they would ask us to design shows, tour-sets and outfits but without paying us extra at first. How we would fight with other groups at SM to have the bigger budget for ur music videos but we lost because we were females. (The sexsism period. )

And incredibly stupid things like I remember we were at SMtown in Bankgkok and I wanted a Redbull and the company refused to pay.They would only pay for my drink if I ordered Cola,Fanta,Sprite ,juice or water. I had to leave my food, get out of the line and find Tiffany who had managed to get Baht at the airport so she could pay for my drink.But the nail in the coffin was the absent Tokyo Dome date on the Phantasia tour.

SM is a public company with shareholders which always meant save the receipt. I can get that.If we want to stay another night at the hotel fine, but a drink? Every car,every plane every apartment, every venue is borrowed,leased or rented. SM owns nothing. Which is why everything from the the big headquarters lease to  NCT's toilet paper have to be documented.Another thing that's in our contract is how much percent of our salary goes to pay the company.45% ish.I was done but at the same time all the companies in Korea are very similar.SM felt like a new world that belonged to me. But could I get back to having more freedom again?The feelings were confliciting. I was like Dorothy in the wizard of Oz only I was stuck in the tornado and couldn't go home. 

I had a fun run on the tv-drama "Hwarang". My scenes were few but it was a fun show to be part of and I think the show had a good story.Go Ara was funny.

When I arrived on set people informed Minho Choi about it.People were like trying to get us to interact since we were both SM. 
"Hi Minho"
"Hi noona" He said in a casual way but bowed politely.
"You look good with long hair" I said to him.
"You look like royalty" He said and smiled.
"I am royalty, I am Snsd" I said and winked.
I never had a problem being only associated with the group like this.
"Can I call you Minnie?" I asked him at a lunch break.We sat on the stairs to a courtyard on the old palace set.
"Sure ok, Can I call you Nicki?"He asked and leaned in.
"Yeah Nicki,Sunbenim(Elder)"I joked.Minho felt like a cousin my younger sister Sooyoung loved and had as her favorite. We did have a closeness to each other in the big world. In that moment I did think how will this be different when I leave SM?