One of 10 - Nicole Lee Snsd

10.Run devil run

Donghae started promoting Bonamana that May.

"That outfit is soo sexy!"I yelled to him over the phone.

"Hhm" he said not sounding as happy as usual

"Whats wrong?" I asked.

"I just feel stress about it all" He told me.

"I know but talk to me about it" I replied.

He felt more stress about the fans finding out about us dating.You know all those fans's screaming turning into a different type of screaming.At the time I was in a battle with SM about moving out and getting my own place.

I was 21 years old now and I had sooo grown out of sharing my room with two other girls . I found a good apartment to move to but SM said they would only let me move if I lived with a manager. I said no way in hell .Then they said I had to live with a manager next door. I refused that too. I was furious .What did they think?

I was going to get pregnant with an ex con's baby, deliver it on Lee Soman's birthday and it would set of the biggest scandal in entertainment history?Short answer: yes. But this gal was nobody's property like that.I did get my own place across the street from the girls dorm. There was no manager next to me but he lived on the same floor. In the mornings the manager would drive me to classes so I could get my driver's license.

This also worried SM a lot, Non of us were allowed to drive after Kangins's DUI but I managed to  get the license anyway. Correction people who were already driving could continue.I was really frustrated I felt like I wasn't allowed to do anything.
The only reason I agreed to live with a manager next door was because Donghae didn't like the thought of me living on my own in a big city.

Obviously I wanted to live in my own apartment so that I could spend alone time with my boyfriend. Only problem was soon after I got the apartment Donghae decided we needed a break. He just felt bad for not being the boyfriend he felt I deserved and asked to put a pause on things until we had more time for each other.

It was mutual and I agreed to it.Even if putting a break on everything was hard, It comforted me when I saw him on stage that I knew he wasn't dating anybody else.

Mom called me one day in June and just said my brother had been in a terrible accident.He was in a car with an older guy who had done drugs. They had sped off on the highway and the car had flipped over as they were taking a new lane. My brother was 14 and the boy that was driving was 16. The "friend" was ok somehow but my brother had been crushed and was flown to the hospital in helicopter because the first responders knew an ambulance wouldn't be fast enough.

I could't allow myself to feel anything.I couldn't leave immediately we had Music Bank that Friday, June 25th performing "Oh". We knew we had a huge chance of winning best song of the first half like we had done with "Gee". It was basically one of the most important performances of the year.My only comfort was that not even Mom who was right there was allowed to see him yet.I was such an emotional mess and at Music Bank I didn't do the opening interview. I wish I had done it though. I felt like I wanted to be distracted as much as possible.To nobodys surprise "The nation's girlgroup" won and I was off to Jersey. Because of the nature of this accident SM demanded that I not tell a soul what had happened. If my brother's friend was high on something it could mean my brother was too, which meant that my whole family did drugs and that Girls generation had a member who's whole family had drug problems. I wasn't going to say anything anyway but I was pissed off how incredibly intrusive the company could be about its idol's families.If there were two guys fighting for the last spot in an idol group with equal talent. One is an only child to a woman who works as a cleaner and the other has high earning parents that are still married. The company would pick the one with the "perfect family" .You wouldn't believe the stuff idol friends of mine have been told to keep secret. One friend wasn't supposed to mention her older brother was a half brother because people would think the brother was conceived in a one night stand."And maybe the mom is an alcoholic or something"Image,image.