The Hourglass

Fifteen

When I get back to my apartment, the door is locked, and I know Chelsea will be long gone. I unlock the door and walk in, seeing what I believe to be true. I want to call her and tell her all about my date, but first I want to check the hourglass. 

I walk into the bedroom and over to my dresser. I rest my elbow on the dresser and prop my head up as I study the trickle of the sand. I wonder if my assignments will grow longer and more complicated as I get older. I think back to my last assignment and the three weeks the hourglass had lasted. That was such a confusing curve. 

It's only been just over a week since the dream and this hourglass appeared. I suppose I have at least two more weeks to go, I think. And then what? I think. What happens when Adam's hourglass disappears and he doesn't need me anymore? Will he still be interested in seeing me? is he even genuinely interested in me? Or is he only drawn to me because of the hourglass? There's just something about you...I remember him saying. They've all said that to me before opening up to me, changing their mind about life, and moving on. 

I think of Chelsea and how we've remained friends after her hourglass disappeared. See? It's possible, I remind myself. I'm obviously just overthinking this because I like him. I continue to stare at the hourglass, lost in thought. Why me, God? I ask once again. I didn't mind the responsibility when I was a kid so much. I didn't even realize it was a responsibility. I didn't realize the weight of the task. 

As an innocent ten-year-old girl, I didn't understand why it would be difficult to choose life. We had so much of it ahead of us, still. We had barely begun. Not living seemed silly. That was all the logic it really took to convince another ten-year-old they should live. 

I think about the girl from church camp and how all she needed to realize was that God loved her. I wasn't the only one telling her that, of course. I was just the only one she listened to. She said there was something about me that made it easy for her to talk to me, just like everyone else. 

I think about the girl from the Big Brother Big Sister program and all of the extra time, energy, and effort it took to get her to open up to me. I think about Adam. But Adam seems happy-ish, I think. All of the others were obviously depressed and lonely. Even if they weren't aware of it themselves, it was obvious to everyone around them. Adam isn't so easily readable on the surface. He's better at masking his emotions. I wonder if he's even aware of how depressed he is...

No one really knew how depressed Mom was. I sigh heavily. I had been doing relatively well at keeping her memories at bay, but the new hourglass seemed to be triggering them relentlessly. I'll have to face them sooner or later. But right now, I prefer later. 

I pulled out my phone and called Chelsea, and she answered immediately. "You're alive!" she says, greeting me. 

I laugh. "I told you I would be." 

"You never know nowadays," she says. "So, tell me all about it." 

"There isn't much to tell, really. He picked me up and took me to a national park. We walked the trail and checked out the waterfall. We got Mexican afterward, and then he took me home. Pretty basic stuff." I say 

"Did you learn anything about him?" she pries. 

"He's an only child, and his mom died when he was a baby," I say.

"Awe, you guys can bond over your dead mothers. How romantic." She says sarcastically, and I chuckle. Chelsea is the only person who could get away with making light of that. I know she doesn't actually intend to be insensitive. 

"Did he kiss you?" She continues to question.

"No," I say.

"Really?" she asks in disbelief. "Did he like try, and you dissed him or what?" 

"No, he didn't try," I say honestly. I wonder why... "He was the perfect gentleman. He got my door for me and everything." I brag. 

"Well, don't let his charm fool you," she warns. 

"I won't calm down," I say, rolling my eyes. 

I think about my day with Adam again when I get off the phone with Chelsea. It does seem strange that a previous playboy wouldn't even so much as try to hold my hand today. But maybe that's intentional. Maybe he really wants me to understand he's changed, and the way he plans to do that is to take things very slow with me. 

All I know is I'm tired of thinking about it and overanalyzing it. I just want to enjoy it while it lasts.