The Hourglass

Fifty-Six (Adam)

I groan awake, feeling the pounding in my head begin. I blink my burning eyes and force myself to sit on the edge of the bed. I rest my head between my hands and breathe. Without Rosaline in my life, I'd gone back to getting wasted nearly every day. Which meant I was waking up hungover frequently. 

I missed her. But I didn't want to. It's been a few days since that night at the club. Images of Rosaline crying have been tormenting me ever since. Whenever my mind confused them, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. 

It was just too much. It was too real, and I didn't want it to be. When I had that dream about her, I woke up panicked and drenched in sweat. When I found the hourglass on my dresser, I nearly had a heart attack and mental breakdown. I couldn't believe it was real. I had grabbed it immediately and chucked it at the wall, shattering it like I had the one at Rosaline's. 

When I came back from taking my shower, it had re-appeared. Angrily and feeling insane, I chucked it again. But when I came back after doing some work, it had re-appeared. I finally accepted that I must have been driven to insanity. When I studied it closer, though, I saw her name and froze. 

If there was even a slight possibility that it was true, I had to prevent it from happening. So, I drove to Atlanta. I left my car at work and got an Uber to the club I had seen her go to in my dream. I didn't want to go inside. I couldn't face her. I had no explanation for her. I wasn't taking her back. I wasn't even sure if any of it was real or if I was just going crazy. 

I wondered the parking lot, and when I finally found her car, I panicked a little. It made the dream feel just a little bit more real. I didn't know how long she was going to be, but I would wait all night if it meant keeping her safe. I still loved her, and I wasn't going to let her foolishly kill herself. 

So I leaned against the back of her car and waited, hoping that maybe I was wrong and just being paranoid. But then the car horn went off, and the lights flashed. I had stumbled back, startled. That's when I saw her stumbling across the parking lot to her car. She was obviously drunk, and at that moment, my heart broke. 

I had never seen her so obviously wasted before. It was a miracle some guy hadn't kidnapped her with the way she was dressed. She was so beautiful, drunk, and half-naked. If God really did exist, he was certainly protecting her. I watched her continue to stumble, nearly face-planting into the car as she reached for the driver's door, and I was angry. 

I knew she was wasted off her ass, but how could she be that stupid? Didn't she know the danger she was putting herself in? If it hadn't been for that stupid dream, she would have killed herself. Rage filled me, and I gripped the bed as I remembered. 

"I wish I never loved you." The memory flashes through my mind next, and I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I hadn't cried since I was a child, but that night, when I got back to my car, I cried for Rosaline. 

I cried because it hurt me to hear her say those words. It hurt me to see her so heartbroken, knowing I was the cause of it. It hurt me to let her go and push her away. It hurt me to ignore her every day for the past month when I wanted nothing more than to be with her. I had never felt this pain before in my life. 

But I couldn't be with her for a number of reasons. My first reason had been when she first told me about the hourglass and her real reason for following me out of the coffee shop that day. She had lied to me. I was so angry and hurt that I couldn't think straight for nearly a week. But eventually, I came to my senses, and I knew. 

I knew that, at some point, it had become real for her. I knew she meant it when she said she loved me. But that didn't make her lie hurt any less or make me feel like any less of a project. I felt used, even though my brain tried to tell me that was stupid. 

Then, my dad called to let me know he would be firing Rosaline for my little outburst. Out of concern for her, I told him we had broken up, knowing he would leave her alone if we weren't together. I had to admit, I was surprised she kept the job. I expected her to quit after the first week of me ignoring her, or at the very least by the time she had to go in for her week. 

I wasn't sure why she kept the job, and that bothered me. Maybe my dad had been right after all, and she did care about the money. A part of me knew I was being childish, and that wasn't true. But I still couldn't make sense of why she had kept the job. I did my best to avoid her that week, showing up after she arrived and leaving before her. I knew I couldn't get away with not going in at all. It was difficult knowing I was so close to her. 

Thankfully, the anger helped me keep my distance. My final reason, and the most important one, is that it really was just too much. The whole hourglass thing had me shaken up. It meant her God or some type of god was real, right? There was some type of magical force or being out there that had orchestrated it all, and that terrified me. 

I liked life better, believing we were all just random specs of dust that died in oblivion. But what if that wasn't true? What if Rosaline was right and there was a God? It was easier to avoid the question and pretend I was insane.