The Hourglass

Thirty-One

The drive home helped me clear my head a bit. By the time I got back to my apartment, I was breathing normally and thinking more clearly, which meant the shame and embarrassment were hitting me in full force. I groan aloud and bury my face in my hands as I plop down on the couch.  What is wrong with me? 

How have the morals, beliefs, and solid self-control I've built up to this point in my life nearly vanished in just a couple of weeks with Adam? How can one person have that big of an effect on my life? Do I even remotely impact his life the same way? I wonder. I get up and walk into the bedroom, heading for the dresser to inspect the hourglass. 

It's barely trickling, which means, yes, I have made an impact in Adam's life. Just not enough, yet. I frown. It can't be healthy for me to be so infatuated with him, especially if his feelings aren't as intense for me. Though after last night...

I wage war in my head over whether Adam really has feelings for me or is just intrigued by me because I'm different from his usual prospect. He could have taken my virginity easily last night, and I would have been the one to blame. The guy who has only ever had one-night stands has been "dating," for lack of a better word, me for two weeks and said no to sex with me. That has to mean something. But the hourglass still trickles, just barely. There's something missing for him, still. 

I sigh as I open my dresser, pulling out a T-shirt and jean shorts. I take off Adam's clothes and carefully fold them before placing them on my bed. My fingers linger over them for a moment. I put on my socks and the same white tennis shoes, reminding myself again that I must go shopping. I decided to text Chelsea to see if she wanted to go shopping tomorrow. She can hold me accountable. 

I'm in the bathroom getting ready for the day when Chelsea responds: Yes! I need some retail therapy. I laugh to myself. Chelsea was always a bit of a shopaholic. I finish getting ready and then head back out to the living room. I get comfortable on the couch and let Adam know I'm ready to go. I decide I want to get coffee and just go for a walk around one of the parks in town. 

When Adam arrives, I go downstairs and find him waiting for me in the parking lot. I climb into his car and find I'm just as taken away by the sight of him as I was the night before. I swallow, I am in serious trouble... 

Adam leans over the center console and gives me a kiss. "Good morning, again," he says, smiling as he pulls away. 

I can't help but smile back, "Good morning again." 

"To our usual coffee spot?" He asks, already putting the car in drive. 

"Where else?" I tease. I pause for a moment, then ask, "Hey, Adam?"

"Yes, Rosaline?" He asks, grabbing my hand, but not looking away from the road. 

"What is this?" I ask. 

He glances at me, "This?" he asks, needing clarification. 

"Uhm, us, I guess. What are we...exactly?" I ask this nervously. Adam doesn't seem to be the type to put a label on things, but I am, and I need to know what our relationship is. I need some sort of validation proving that I'm not another soon-to-be notch in his belt. 

He doesn't say anything for a moment, and the panic grows inside me. I've made this awkward. I've ruined it,  I think. 

"I guess you're my girlfriend," he chuckles and glances over at me. "I've never had one of those before," he comments more to himself than me. 

"Like, officially?" I question, surprised. 

"There's another kind?" he jokes, full grin now.

I smile. Warmth fills me, and I suddenly feel less anxious. Adam isn't just some guy I'm seeing; he's my boyfriend. This feels so different from the ways I've been asked out previously, but I suppose adult relationships work this way.