The Hourglass

Forty-Seven

When I got home from walking in the gardens with Adam, I noticed the hourglass had changed. It was no longer trickling. The only confusing part was that it was still there this morning. Usually, once it stops trickling, it disappears. But when I woke up, it was still sitting on the dresser.

I wasn't sure what it meant, but I took it as a good sign that we were heading in the right direction. Adam loves me. The thought made me beam. I had made a difference in his life. I was relieved and elated.

I was sitting at my kitchen table now, waiting for the Zoom meeting to start. Every work day, while working from home, I would have to start out with a Zoom meeting. Everyone else would be there in person. I was the only one attending the meeting virtually. I felt incredibly awkward and on display, knowing that I was the only one on a screen in their meeting room.

I still wasn't sure if I had made the right decision to take this position. But what was my alternative? I didn't want to say goodbye to Adam, and I seriously doubted he would give up his position and income just to be with me. Him loving me wouldn't be a good enough reason to uproot his entire life.

But wasn't that what I was doing? Yes, a little. But I didn't have as much to lose. All I did was sacrifice my business for an opportunity that made three times what I had been making on my own. I still had my home, my dad, and Chelsea. I had opportunities. Sure, I lost one thing in the transition: my business, but look at what I gained in return.

Adam, on the other hand, would lose his position, income, comfort, and whatever relationship with his father he did have. It didn't seem like a fair trade. It made more sense for me to sacrifice than Adam. So, I would attend this meeting and do whatever work was required of me without complaint. Because I wanted a life with Adam.

"Good morning, everyone," our manager greets us. I take notes during the meeting and do my best to pay apt attention to the reports he goes over. He gives us a rundown of what our day will look like and what our goals are for the week and month.

When the meeting is over, I do my best to stay focused, though I can't help but be distracted by the thought of Adam from time to time. It felt odd, knowing that he may be working or maybe wasn't. He had a bit more freedom than me now. But if he was working, it seemed weird that he would be working at his house while I worked at my apartment. Shouldn't we work together?

No. No, we shouldn't, I tell myself. Adam would normally be in his office, and I'd be in mine if we were at the physical location. This was no different. There was just a little extra space between us.

Of course, he would still have to make occasional appearances at the office without me. His father usually liked him there at least once a week. We hadn't really discussed work much. I didn't get the impression Adam wanted to. It wasn't something either one of us was passionate about. It was just something we had to do.

I missed the days when I lived with Dad, and my only job was to go to school. Even at school, things were more relaxed and fun than in corporate America. Being an adult felt dull, boring, and tedious when it came to work. The only thing that made it worth it was our freedom to do what we wanted outside of work.

I couldn't help but wonder about my relationship with Adam. We had started out getting so close with all of the alone time we had spent together. Now, it felt like there was a wall separating us. I enjoyed every moment I got to spend with him, but now they were just dates. It felt like we were going backward despite our declaration of love for each other.

I knew it was because of me. If it weren't for my convictions and beliefs, we'd have already slept together and no doubt moved in with each other shortly after. But that wasn't the way things were supposed to work. If we did that and it didn't end up working out... I'd never be able to take any of it back.