The Hourglass

Twenty

The ride back with Adam was quiet but comfortable. He held my hand for most of the way but seemed to be lost in thought for most of the drive. I thought about asking him what he was thinking about a few times but decided against it. He would occasionally squeeze my hand or give me a smile as he glanced over at me. I enjoyed the quiet with him and watched out the window, lost in my own thoughts. 

When I got back to the apartment, I immediately went to the bedroom to check on the hourglass and was disappointed to find it still trickling. I hadn't made a significant difference in Adam's life yet. It's only been a little over a week. Be patient, I tell myself. 

I went back to work after that, even though it wasn't absolutely necessary. I just needed something to keep my mind busy, and I like the illusion of my routine. But now I'm done, and I'm back to being left with my thoughts, which is a dangerous place after today. I can't stop thinking about Adam's kiss. I thought he might kiss me again in the car before I got out, but he kissed my hand instead. I find the way he's pursuing me interesting. 

Brandon and Jeremy shoved their tongues down my throat every chance they got, whether I wanted it or not. There were no slow, sweet, tender kisses. And they certainly never asked me for my permission. I think about all of Adam's conquests, despite my better judgment, and wonder if he was sweet and tender with them, too. I decided immediately that I did not want to think about that. 

I wonder what he thinks of my inexperience compared to him. I wonder if it will be a problem for him. I wonder a lot of things about him. But mostly, I wonder what's troubling him and if he'll ever talk to me about it. 

I decided I needed to get back into my normal rhythm of things for the evening, but find I couldn't make myself do it. It feels a little stale. A little too controlled. And I find for the first time that I'm a little bit bored of my isolation. I normally watch television or read a book in the evening, but those things require me to focus, and I don't think my mind is capable of doing that at the moment. For once, I wished I had an actual talent or hobby like Adam. 

I wonder if Adam paints when he can't concentrate on anything else. It seems like a much more productive outlet than just sitting here. I decided, at the very least, that I could commit to my new walking habit. I go change into athletic wear and put on music as I head out the door. I walk until I'm too tired to keep going. 

When I finally returned to the apartment, it was dark outside. I take a long hot shower and sleep deeply, completely exhausted.