The Hourglass

Thirty-Nine

Adam stayed with me last night. We got as close to sex as we could without actually having it. I was still technically a virgin, but somehow I didn't feel like it. Part of me was happy to have been taught this loophole. I might actually stand a chance at being alone with Adam and not losing my virginity now. 

Another part of me feels ashamed of myself for giving in to my body's desires. Even though we didn't go all the way, experiencing an orgasm made me feel like we might as well have. Adam and I stayed up talking until I fell asleep. 

He was so sweet and gentle with me. He cuddled me and played with my hair. He told me how beautiful I am and how happy he is to call me his. Then we talked about the job his dad offered me. I would have to start right away, meaning today. Since all of my accounts are planned out for the rest of the month, it won't be an issue for me to email them a notice that I'll be resigning my services. 

That feels weird to think, let alone type out in an email. But here I am, sitting at my kitchen table typing it. Adam is in my kitchen making us breakfast. Something I would never have believed had someone told me a few weeks ago. When I'm finished notifying all of my clients, we eat breakfast. 

We take turns getting ready in the bathroom and I find I'm nervous. This is my first corporate job. I finish getting dressed. I'm wearing a nice blue and white polka dot dress with flats. My hair was pulled half up, and I was wearing light makeup. I was ready and just waiting for Adam to finish getting dressed. 

He said he was fine with wearing his suit from yesterday. He didn't want to make me late by driving to his place to change. I at least had a pair of his sweats and underwear here for him that I had borrowed and washed. 

I was at least relieved that I wouldn't have to see Adam's dad. He went back to New York yesterday. So, I was just meeting my manager and the rest of the team. All of whom I briefly met, already, the day he showed me around the building. 

Adam said I would be signing paperwork and doing boring HR stuff today. I was going to have to spend this week in Atlanta for training. I packed my suitcase this morning and it was ready to go, waiting for me by the front door. 

I put out a large bowl of water and food for Luna but thought I could always ask someone to check in on her if I was worried about it. Everything was ready to go. It all happened so suddenly that I can barely believe it. 

I'm standing at my dresser, eyeing the hourglass as I wait for Adam to re-emerge. It's trickling so slowly that it could stop at any point now. I'm filled with happiness as I observe this. I wanted to scream at it. What are you waiting for? What's missing? Just disappear already! But I knew it couldn't be that simple. 

The truth was, I didn't know what the missing puzzle piece was for Adam. All of the others were suicidal, and I don't get the impression that Adam is. If he is, he hides it better than anyone I've ever known, and after accepting his father's offer, he seems happier than ever. Though relieving some of his sexual tension last night might also be a contributing factor, I had to admit. 

The bathroom door opens, and a fully clothed Adam appears, looking amazing as ever. The sight of Adam in his suit never fails to take my breath away. "That's beautiful," Adam says to me. 

I give him a puzzled look. "What is?" I look around to see what he could be referring to. 

"That hourglass you were admiring," he says, laughing softly. He walks over to me to examine it closer. My heart has stopped. He can see it!?  I'm internally freaking out. Why can Adam see the hourglass? 

Adam squints at it. "It's barely trickling," he observes. "How long does it last?" He seems intrigued by it, almost like he's drawn to it. 

I panic but try to keep my breathing and voice normal. "It varies," I say, not lying. 

Adam gives me a quizzical look. "What do you mean it varies?" 

"It's broken," I lie. There it is. There's the lie. I'm having to lie to Adam now, and it feels awful. But what am I supposed to tell him? If I tell him the truth, he'll think I'm insane and try to have me committed. 

"Why do you keep it?" He wonders aloud, stroking the glass. 

I hesitate, fighting for an excuse that's believable but won't sink me further into lies that I'll have to keep track of. "It's just too beautiful to get rid of," I offer. 

Adam nods. "It's so ornate. It looks like an antique but shines like new. Where did you get it?" I'm tempted to cuss. 

"A childhood friend gave it to me," I say, bending the truth. 

Adam looks at me in disbelief. "A child gave this to you? This thing has to be worth something. Where would a child have gotten it?" He asks the last part more to himself. 

"Uh, no. Not a child," I say, searching for words. "He's a family friend from childhood. I should have phrased that better," I apologize. 

Adam seems to accept this explanation and finally tears his gaze away from the hourglass to my face. "Well, you have a big day ahead of you. Are you ready to go?" He watches me with affection and concern. 

"As ready as I can be," I laugh. But on the inside, I'm filled with fear and anxiety. I have no idea where this decision will lead me. 

"And you're sure you don't want me to stay in Atlanta with you?" He looks a little confused and offended when he asks this. Last night, Adam had offered to get a hotel room and stay in Atlanta for the week, too. Every fiber in my being wanted to tell him yes, but I ended up telling him no. 

I needed to be able to do this without him. I needed to show his dad that I was strong and independent and that I wasn't going to mooch off his son or rely on him for every little thing. So Adam was going to go into the office today when he drops me off and Friday when he picks me up. This was going to be the most time we had spent apart since meeting each other, and realizing that only made me stand by my choice more. 

We were moving too quickly, and the only way I could think to put the breaks down was to spend less time together. Because the more time I spend with Adam, the more I'm going to fall for him, and the harder it will be to stand by my convictions, which were already unraveling at a faster pace than I could have predicted. 

So when Adam asks if I'm sure, I say, "Yes," despite my desire to say no. And I have to deal with the small look of hurt that crosses his face. I know I should just let it go, but my heartstrings are pulled too tight. "Not because I don't want you there," I tell him truthfully. "But because I want you there with me, in my room, in my bed, with no boundaries. Because I want to know you're just down the hall from me in your office," I explain. 

Adam smirks, "And that's a bad thing?" I know he's teasing me, and I can't help the smile that creeps on my face. But I need him to understand I'm serious. 

"Adam, I'm trying to prove to your dad that I'm independent, right?" He nods. "I can't do that if you're holding my hand." 

He nods again, this time agreeing, not just understanding. "Okay," he concedes. And just like that it was time for me to go. My entire life course was changing, starting now.