The Hourglass

Forty-Three (Adam)

My hands were shaky. I took a deep breath as I leaned on my counter, staring at the liquor bottle. You don't need it, I remind myself. Not for this. My stomach was in knots. I squeezed my eyes tight and gripped the counter hard, resisting the urge to take a shot for the nerves. I was about to go play golf with Rosaline's father and I had never been so terrified to do such a mundane and leisurely thing before in my life. 

I had been doing better with the drinking since Rosaline entered my life, but it still had a grip on me. I was able to hold off on drinking until I was away from her, at least. I felt disgust with myself knowing that I was slightly deceiving Rosaline. I wasn't lying to her per se'. I had told her, honestly, that alcohol was my vice and that it was probably too much of a burden for her to bear. But my ability to remain sober in her presence had diluted her into thinking it was nothing more than a single drink at night - similar to her dad's beer-drinking habit. I hadn't corrected her. 

I couldn't correct her, not without risking losing her - and I couldn't do that. The thought of losing Rosaline only brought me more agony and confusion. Who was this woman, and how could she have this effect on me? If she weren't a Christian, I'd swear she was a witch who had put me under some magical spell. 

I sigh in frustration and push myself away from the counter, leaving the alcohol alone. I headed for the garage, which was halfway converted into a gym. I had to get some of this nervous energy out before meeting her dad. I knew why I was so nervous. I was nervous because I didn't want her dad to find out what a piece of shit I was and how unfit I was to date his daughter. The woman who has completely captivated my entire being. 

I was at a complete loss as to how I had won his favor that night we all had dinner together. I was sure I wasn't any better than Rosaline's previous boyfriends. Sure, I wasn't a jerk who treated women badly...but, I had certainly used plenty of them. At least I had warned them up front, I remind myself. They all knew what they were signing up for. Memories of my encounters with several women and them signing the legal document flash before my eyes. 

I shake them from my mind as I run on the treadmill. I push myself harder, faster, trying to escape the memories of my past that haunt me. I think of that night I met Rosaline's father. I had gotten there shortly before Rosaline, but I decided to go in without her. I had approached the door and knocked politely. He was surprised I was alone when he answered the door but greeted me warmly anyway and invited me in. 

I took in the humble home that Rosaline grew up in. It wasn't much, but it was cared for and homey, and somehow, that had touched a part of my heart I had hardened. My childhood had been drastically different. Sure, I had grown up in luxury - enjoying the finer things in life. But the house was not a home. It was pristine but cold and sterile - much like a hospital. There was no warmth within those walls and very few memories that I could consider 'happy.'

I had briefly thought of Rosaline's mom as we made our way to the kitchen, knowing that her home had been tainted with her own unpleasant memories. Her dad had offered me a beer right away, which I was surprised by. I thought Christians couldn't drink. I had accepted it weerily, thinking it was some sort of test that I was going to fail. 

"Relax," her dad had chuckled as he pat me on the back. "One beer isn't going to get you drunk." He had offered me a chair at the table next to him while we waited. "So, where's Rosaline?" he asked me. "I didn't expect you two to arrive separately." 

"I'm not sure, sir." I had said. "I live on this end of town so she thought it made more sense for me to meet her here. I was under the impression she was the punctual type," I admit. That earned me a laugh. 

"You bet she is. That girl is a creature of habit if I ever did see one," he admits, taking a sip of his beer. "I bet you five bucks she knocks on the door when she gets here," he adds, a childish grin in his eyes.