𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞 (Broken Red Crest Trilogy#1)

Cara

Cara

Emma and I sit on my bed, hanging out. She sits on her knees with her hands in lap all excited for some reason.

"What's up with you, why so excited?" We're literally staring at the ceiling, what's so exciting right now?

"You and Jack is what's up with me!" I feel a blush creep up my neck and I bury my face in my hands.

"There's nothing going on!" I almost roll of the bed when I turn over to lay on my stomach and hide my face in my pillow.

"So you sitting with him for like 3 weeks is nothing? Oh and him placing his finger under your chin to make to look at him is nothing? Girl that was literally romance book level worthy, it's literally what drives you crazy!"

I squeal. How did she see all of this? Why did she have to see all this? "He's just being friendly, it's nothing!"

"Sometimes...nothing to you means everything." She says softly. She pats my head and pulls me to sit up.

"Fine! The hopeless romantic inside me was freaking out. And his accent never fails to send chills down my spine. His laugh and smile cause goosebumps. The way he's never smiled until me, and just the way he tries to hide his smile. He just makes me melt."

"You like him, like really like him." She says. Her eyes are wide as she slowly begins to smile.

"I do, like a lot." She squeals and hugs me excitedly.

"Are you staying over tonight?" She nods like a crazy person and finally sits down quietly.

After a moment of silence Emma begins talking, "Remember when you told me he hugged you, and you said it was nice." I nod.

"Have you liked him since then?" She asks and I sigh. I really don't know. I don't know why I was almost immediately drawn to him.

Emma and I are sprawled out on the couch watching 10 things I hate about you. I feel my phone vibrate. When I see the name, I try to bite back a smile. Failing miserably, Emma turns to me with a smirk on her face.

"Who is it? Why are are you smiling so much? Oh my God. It's Jack! He's texting you!" She says excitedly.

I press pause on the movie and slowly go to open the text.

Jack: Hey Cara, I don't usually do this but I'm going to do it. I was wondering if you maybe would want to go on a date with me? I completely understand if you don't though.

"Oh my—"

"God!" Emma says finishing my sentence.

"He's asking me out." I whisper.

"He likes you! I knew it! I knew there was something between you two!"

"Okay...okay I'm going to text back."

Oh Lord help me, now.

Me: No...no I would love nothing more than to go on a date with you, Jack.

Jack: Really? Great. Tomorrow at 7 sound good?

Me: perfect.

"Oh my goodness, Cara! He asked you out!"

"I know it's...unexpected."

"Why would that be unexpected?"

"Because I don't deserve it."

"Yes, you do. You deserve to be happy with someone."

"I'll just mess it up. I'll become either be too much or not enough for him. He'll probably leave like...after this date he'll probably be like see ya'."

"And if he does do that he's an actual idiot! If he does...oh Lord I'm going to be furious!"

"I mean, if he doesn't end up wanting me, then screw him."

"That's the attitude but we not going to wish that upon you. Hopefully he's one of the good ones, as you think he is."

"God willing. The hopeful romantic part of me does believe it."

"Hopeful romantic?"

"Yes, I mean. Why say hopeless? That's saying you don't believe it. But hopeful...you believe there's a chance. Even if it's a small one."

♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎

Sometimes I wonder if everyone else would be better off without me. There are times where I think, what if I ran away, not telling anyone when or where I'm going, and never coming back?

Most of the time I am a burden. A problem. Worthless. Unable to be loved.

If I am being utterly honest...I don't think I will ever find love. I was honestly flabbergasted that Jack asked me out. He probably did it because he felt bad for me, because I have never had a boyfriend. Sooner or later he will just get tired of me and leave. Will I try and stop him? No.

I don't care anymore...If you want to leave, then go. I will not fight anymore. I give up on everything. Everyone. I'm so sick of everything.

I'm so tired. Falling apart. Maybe even...broken. My mind is a never ending cycle, I feel like I'm drowning in my thoughts. Drowning deeper and deeper, slowly suffocating, until it comes to a stop. I wish I had peace in my mind.

I know all I have to do is call out to God and he will help me. I've been struggling as a Christian. A teen girl Christian. I don't pray how I used to. I let myself become lost instead of going to the light, that is Jesus Christ. It breaks my heart to let God down so much. I'm a horrible person. I am nothing without him. I deserve nothing, yet, he's always there to save me. Save everyone. All because he loves us so much that he gave his one and only son.

I pray, God I'm sorry that I haven't been doing what I should be. I'm sorry I haven't been doing enough. I should be talking to you...

Every. Single. Day.

But sadly I don't. I hate it so much. I wish I could do better for you. I'm trying really, really hard.

I know you're there and hearing my prayer right now. I've still been reading my Bible though.

So, anyways there's something else I want to talk to you about. Jack.

Is he really a good guy for me to go out with?
If he isn't, can you show me a sign? Maybe...if he isn't the right one, he shouldn't show up for our date? If it's not too much to ask.

Another thing Lord is I want to try and be better. But it's so hard. I don't know why I can't be good enough for everyone.

Authors note:
NOT EDITED KEEP RUDE COMMENTS TO YOURSELF, please."