Starlet • Lukadrien [Miraculous]

Chapter 19 | beta reader

Chapter twelve

Goosebumps pricked my skin not from the chill in the air as the summer was starting to fade away, but at the realisation I'd just been harshly slapped with. A feeling of disgust twisted in my stomach while I sat in my pyjamas in a hotel room far from my own home and comfortable bed. I wanted to throw up, but the pit in my gut kept anything from coming back up. I wanted to get into the shower and scrub until my skin was red and cut up from the excessive rubbing of a loofah. I wanted to peel my skin off, take my mind and soak it with a power washer until there was nothing but clean, innocent thoughts back.

It had dawned on me, after what felt like years, that I was being... used.

For my name, for my face, for my small, underage body not yet ridden with the imperfections of aged skin, grey hair or scars from life's struggles. At the ripe age of fourteen, my pictures were being passed around from agency to agency, my every little detail being dissected. Old men sitting around board room meeting tables, scrutinising my body and no doubt, deciding which parts of it to focus in on to appeal to those who buy magazines not for the clothes but for the models.

And the one who was supposed to keep me safe, my own father. He was allowing this. He was actively pushing for it. It wasn't the knowledge my father was putting me in such a position that disgusted me the most, it was the possibility that he may be getting joy, even worse... pleasure, from it. I had no way of knowing what his motivations were. Money? Power? A sick form of voyeurism? I didn't know. And that's what made my skin crawl the most, not knowing if this was merely for money, or if he was getting off on the thought of his son being torn apart by the public.

But in the back of my mind, there was a single comfort in the horrible situation I'd just been awakened to. At the very least, I'd get to see him again. My one companion through this whole mess so far, Liron.

Luka had to put push the laptop away for a moment. The first time he read the draft, he was so entranced by Adrien's writing he could barely look away. The second time he was going through it, this time looking for errors to fix for him, he was seeing all these extra details he'd missed before. Now he wasn't clouded with excitement to read his boyfriends work, he was seeing every single painstaking detail.

The way Adrien described the feeling of that terrible realisation he was nothing but a pawn to his father. The disgust of knowing people were out there, looking at his swimwear and workout gear advertisements not for the clothes, but for his then underage body. The way his whole body reacted to the feeling with goosebumps and nausea. It was like Luka could feel the disgust himself.

Through the character of Darien, Luka could see elements of Adrien's childhood. A young, peppy boy who was having his innocence sucked away by the second by the person who is meant to protect him, his own parent. At this point in the story, Darien and his father had travelled across the country to peruse a starlet career for Darien. Having been scouted by a talent agency that Darien was now realising was sketchy, but that his father didn't care about the red flags of, and was making him continue. While not the exact same story as what Adrien himself went through, there were stark parallels.

And the parallel he'd been the most struck by was the character of Liron. Meant to parallel himself. The name Liron meant 'song for me', and coincidentally started with an L. The character being another boy in the same sketchy talent agency for his musical abilities, he and Darien becoming friends and each others support. And of course, Darien was starting to realise that he didn't just like Liron as a friend, but had a crush on him and his sexuality awakening was part of the story arc between the two characters.

Luka could see where certain events and characters in the story had come from, pin pointing them to moments of Adrien's real life back in school. And something about reading how Darien- Adrien, was feeling in those darkest moments was shattering him. Luka and all Adrien's friends knew he was having a hard time back then, they'd done what they could to help. But they had no idea just how bad things really were. Now, Luka was reading it all for himself.

He leaned back in his chair, Quinn in his lap not moving an inch as he napped blissfully in the warmth of his owners body heat. He sighed, not really sure how beta the beginning of this chapter. He felt almost guilty for pointing out errors, even though Adrien asked him to. Because the writing was just so... raw. It felt like he was criticising Adrien's actual trauma in a way.

Luka picked up his phone, opening the messenger app to text Adrien.

Luka: I'm at chapter 12
Luka: babe
Luka: I feel bad giving you criticism

Adrien: hun it's fine, I'm literally asking for it.

Luka: I know but it feels like I'm mocking your trauma in a way

Adrien: Luka
Adrien: baby
Adrien: it's fine. I promise. Criticism is for improvement, I want to improve.

Luka looked back over at the document on his laptop screen, at the edits and notes he'd added to the page above the current one. Mainly small things like correcting a typo or fixing some punctuation. He just felt so guilty for pointing out anything else. But he knew Adrien wanted it, and wouldn't take any offence to it. His phone buzzed in his hand, another message from Adrien coming through.

Adrien: I'll come over. We can edit together. 

Luka smiled, always happy to have him over. Maybe he'd feel less guilty if Adrien was there next to him pointing out his own errors.

Luka: I'll be waiting patiently
Luka: love you :)

No matter how many times Adrien assured him that it was perfectly fine he hadn't noticed just how bad things were when they were teens, Luka had always felt a bit bad. He hoped this book wouldn't just be healing for Adrien, but for him in a way too. That he could come away from it knowing exactly what Adrien had been through, and having to tools and skills to help him through the everlasting effects of it. Because at the end of the day, no matter the past or the traumas, Luka loved Adrien.

He loved the talented writer more than anything else on this planet. And he really hoped that Adrien felt that love and understood that he could always come to him, for absolutely anything. No secrets. No shame.