Starlet • Lukadrien [Miraculous]

Chapter 18 | coverage

As he'd expected, the media had been hounding him. He'd managed to ignore it for a few weeks, but it was at the point tabloids were starting to spread rumours about him so it was time he addressed things officially.

Adrien hadn't logged onto his verified accounts in over a year, it'd been radio silent. He had a private, hidden under a false name account he used only for people he was close with in real life, and even then he wasn't online as much as he used to be. It'd been bad for him mentally, withdrawing from the spotlight was one hell of a task. But now with his fathers death in the news, it seems he'd have to at the very least, make a statement.

Adrien had stared at the blank document for a while, trying to figure out what to say. There was so much he wanted to scream at the world, but he couldn't articulate it. For someone who'd been on a writing roll recently for his book, he'd found himself lost on a statement.

He wanted to convey that he was hurt by his father so badly he didn't really care that he was dead, but felt the loss in other ways. Like the fact he no longer had either parent, and his only biological family left were his aunt and cousin he didn't see often anyway. Adrien had paced around the room, began to type then deleted it, asked Nathalie for help, groaned in annoyance several times, but after a good three hours of trying to gather his thoughts, he came up with something half decent and professional sounding.

Regarding my father.

As everyone knows by now, my father Gabriel Agreste was convicted on terrorism, child abuse and the illegal harbouring of a body several years ago. And just this past month, he was beaten to death in prison.

It's become no secret my childhood was a living hell under his care, and the whole truth of my time as a model came out during the trail and was reported on non stop. Since then, I've tried to withdraw from the spotlight for my own mental sake. And I ask that once this is addressed, everyone respects my privacy in this confusing and stressful time.

I appreciate the condolences, and the apology from the man who ultimately cased my fathers death. And I feel the loss through the effects it has on the rest of my family and family friends. But I'm truth, I am numb to the loss. That man hurt me to the point any care I felt for him, was replaced with fear and resentment. I do not miss my father, but I do miss having a father. I mourn for what could have been, for the way I could have been raised if I'd not been born to a maniac of a man. I'm mourning the loss of both my parents, knowing I'll never have that relationship again. But I do not, and never will, mourn for Gabriel Agreste.

Do not trust anything you read on this situation, unless it comes directly from my family or the law enforcement involved. And please, leave me and my family to cope with the news for the time being. Let the victims my father hurt, have the space to process this information.

-Adrien Agreste.

Despite the nerves about posting it, he just put up the link and closed his laptop. If he couldn't see it, it didn't exist. He didn't want to, nor have to think about it now. It was done.

Adrien got up, physically walked away from his laptop to try and ignore the media frenzy that would ultimately happen now he'd addressed it and posted for the first time in over a year. He found himself looking in the mirror again... he'd been doing that a lot recently.

He found some comfort in knowing he looked like his mother. His hair, his eyes, his facial structure even started to resemble hers when he grew out of his baby face. But he also looked worn down. His eyes baggy, hair unbrushed and skin no longer as flawless as it was in his model days. Texture had returned to his body, now all the makeup and beauty products, photoshop and filters didn't cover it up. But the longer he looked in the mirror, the more he started to look... less like himself.

He'd have some depersonalisation moments here and there, whenever he thought too hard about his existence. The fact he was modelled after his mother when he was created, barely anything of his father had been put into his genetic makeup. And yet, he still carried the Agreste name. He could feel the warmth of his blood flow, the air in his lungs, the best of his heart. But they didn't develop from an embryo like everyone else had.

He was created to be a son, Emilies son. A person. To grow and age, to learn and find meaning in the world like everyone else in the planet did. He was created by his mother, to be a human. And yet... he still felt remarkably inhuman.

Nathalie told him many times, just because he was born different doesn't mean he's not a human being. Would you call someone born via C-section, or a Petri dish baby, not a human? No. Because they were, just like everyone else. And yet, he still felt this disconnect from everyone else.

Like he didn't belong in this world... that's what it was. Something separated him from other people.... And the only thing he could think of to explain it, was the fact he was born via the magic of a miraculous that ultimately, lead to his mothers death. Maybe it was guilt? Some kind of subconscious association he'd made that HE was the reason his mother died? Or maybe it was the fact all his time as Cat Noir, he and everyone else had said 'senti-MONSTER'. Even his own father, the one creating them for evil, called them monsters KNOWING his son was born the same way.

He still couldn't pin point it, but something still made him feel that disconnect from everyone around him.

Maybe that's why he was struggling to find the confidence to tell Luka... because deep down, he felt someone like him a senti monster, didn't deserve him...