Children of a Murderer

𝓣𝓦𝓔𝓝𝓣𝓨 𝓣𝓗𝓡𝓔𝓔 - 𝓜𝓘𝓒𝓗𝓔𝓐𝓛

I missed Mom. A lot. 

It had been five months since her death though it felt like less. To me, her death was constantly on my mind. How did I manage to lose her? HOW.

I've just been angry mainly. She could've done it any day but Evan's birthday, and she still did. Not to mention, Dad won't tell anyone anything. I'm tired of being treated like a kid. I want to know what truly happened to my mom.

The phone began to ring and I answered it. "Hello?" 

"Hey, this is Simon. Am I talking to Mike?" he asked.

"Yeah this is Micheal," I said.

"I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry about Mrs. Afton's death," he said.

That was five months ago.

"Simon, that was five months ago-" I said.

"Uh, no it wasn't," he said. "Your Dad made a town announcement about her death and how he was working to prevent road crashes. She died three days ago, Mike."

What the hell is Dad doing.

"Right," I played along with it. "Sorry, it's just been affecting me differently that others. I'd prefer to be left alone right now."

"Of course. Call if you need-"

I hung up the phone. 

What is Dad planning? Why is he doing this to us?

I put on an playlist that I had created three months ago and curled up into my sheets.

playing class of 2013 by mitski

Mom, I'm tired
Can I sleep at your house tonight?

I felt hot tears in my eyes but tried to keep them back. I'm not weak, I'm not weak. 

Mom, is it alright
If I stay a year or two?

I sniffled at the words. I wish she was here.

Mom, I'll be quiet
It would just be to sleep at night

"Fucking hell," I mumbled. The first tears began to run down my cheeks. We all know how crying goes.

And I'll leave once I figure out
How to pay for my own life too

Once you start crying...

Mom, would you wash my back?
This once, and then we can forget

You can never stop.

And I'll leave what I'm chasing
For the other girl's to pursue

I let out a shallow laugh. "I'm not a girl," I said aloud before going back to my tears.

Mom, am I still young?
Can I dream for a few months more?

At this point, I had broke down sobbing. Tears were dampening my covers and sheets but I didn't care. My mom was gone. She could never come back. She wasn't here anymore to tuck us in or watch us with our achievements.

And it was Dad's fault.

I don't know how exactly, but it has to be him. He had to have done something to my mom. I was going to find out eventually. 

I decided I'd listen to one more song before I got up and redeemed myself.

playing i grieve by peter gabriel

It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
'Cause nothing yet has really sunk in

"Oh fucking hell is the universe out for me?" I mumbled.