It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Chapter 14

After another 3 hours the practice came to an end and as expected mahi bhai came to him and immediately checked his temperature and sighed in relief. “Normal” he said, smiling and ruffling jaddu’s hair, who barely contained himself from leaning into the touch. 

Everyone took a breath of relief and immediately went to pack their stuff, tired from the practice. Hardik tch-ed, rolling his eyes annoyed by everyone so worried about jaddu, because according to him what jaddu did was just a drama, virat glared at him and he just shrugged and went back to packing. They almost got into an argument about hardik behavior with jaddu on the ground but mahi Bhai was quick to step in. 

Mahi bhai understood one thing, the more they try to make hardik understand things, it gets worse. He knew that one day hardik will regret his behavior really badly and he hoped it wouldn't come too late.

They all quickly got into the bus to get back to the hotel, tired and hungry. 

Jaddu took a seat but away from everyone tired both physically and mentally and he was glad that no one disturbed him.

He looked out of the window, zoning out. As soon as they reached the hotel he grabbed his kit and almost dashed towards the lift, wanting to get to his room quickly, but of course nothing went his way.

“Jaddu!” Rohit exclaimed loudly coming towards him. “Where are you going? Eat something first” Rohit said, a bit worried because Jaddu is still recovering and he isn't really taking good care of himself.

“I ate” he lied, and for a moment he stopped, what is this? What happened to him? What is doing to himself? Always lying to everyone, and that too so smoothly that sometimes even he believes it. This is not him, he is not himself anymore.

“Oh… Okay” Rohit muttered, buying his lie, and Jaddu just nodded and got into lift before Rohit said or asked something else, he wanted to be alone, he wanted to get away from everyone and end this misery.

After getting into his room he threw his cricket somewhere carelessly and face planted himself on the bed, completely exhausted. He was still dizzy, but at least better than before. Maybe skipping too many meals, he thought to himself. But even the thought of going down and having to sit with others made his stomach drop.

He had read all the people saying him worst things possible to human kind but hearing those exact words from someone so close, someone from family- does he even deserve to call them family? He is just a burden to them. 

Mahi bhai isn't able to rest properly because of him, Rohit and Virat are constantly in fight with selectors for him. 

‘Stop being selfish’

‘You are just a burden’

‘Backstabber’

“AHH!!” he screamed, covering his ears trying to stop the voice. “I didn't mean it… please let me go…” he sobbed, he hated it, he hates crying, it's for weak, that's what he had been taught throughout his life but right now? He can't even pretend it to himself, he doesn't know how long he can keep doing this, pretending that he is fine in front of everyone and then breaking into pieces behind closed doors.

“I am sorry for being a burden” he cried, hugging the pillow tightly as if it might hug him back. 

Even the strongest soldier needs help to carry off the weight, but people never realize this until it's too late.

In the dining room

Most of them had finished their food and went to their room or either went to have a massage.

Ash, Virat, Rohit and mahi bhai still sat nursing their second coffee. They all have noticed it, seen it, felt it, that something is wrong with jaddu.

“What do we do now?” Rohit asked for the nth time and no one had any answer for that. 

“I thought we moved on from that match” Virat murmured, no one really liked talking about that match, it was supposed to be a win, it was Pakistan, but it ended up being one of their worst nightmares.

“WE moved on, but not HIM” Mahi Bhai said for the first time since they started talking about jaddu. 

“But it's fine now, right? Like most of the people forget and moved on ", said Virat, his voice a bit unsure and confused.

“Most of them cheeku, but not everyone. I don't know but I feel like I should have focused a bit more on him during that phase, it like he pushed himself into darkness because he got no one to pull him out” mahi bhai rumbled and Rohit immediately stepped up “You can't blame yourself for everything Bhai, if it's your fault then it's everyone fault too because none of us tried hard enough him” he declared.

Virat nodded, agreeing with Rohit and put his now cold coffee aside, “Then I am the who should get all the blame” virat said and mahi bhai tried to cut him off but virat continued “Because you were busy taking care of me, making sure I am fine and that's why-” 

“Okay okay got it, we are all at fault” mahi bhai said surrendering. “Only these two hooligans can make you surrender” Ash murmured, shaking his head.

“On a serious note I am glad he is back in playing 11, it might help him get back on the track” Ash vacillated, while others nodded or hummed in hopes, not knowing Jaddu had slipped too deep into the darkness of his mind.

“He is playing the next match, right?” Rohit asked Virat, just to conform. 

Virat shrugged, “Only if he is fit enough too” he said and Mahi Bhai nodded in agreement.

“I am glad csk will be back this season and you will be with him during ipl”, Virat said, and the others nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah, I hope things get better. We still have 2 series before ipl” mahi bhai retorted, he has been really worried about jaddu since they had gotten him back into the team. He looks so tired that it feels like he hasn't slept in months. He can see he had visibly loosen some weight which is not good at all.

Virat looked at the time and excused himself, as he had a meeting to attend and others left for their room too, tired from the practice.

“I hope everything gets better” MS prayed silently before getting up and going to his room.

A/N-

I am sorry ik it's not the update you guys hopped for after I didn't update for so many days, because of not writing for so long I am not able to get back on track but I will try best fir next update to be better then this.

I will try to update as quickly as I can.

I am sorry for the delay.

Special mention to - lazyyy3 (Your comments actually forced me into completing this chapter after so many months)