Start over | Kim Seungmin

14: Blind eyes and numb feelings

'What did I do wrong to deserve this?'

'What did I do wrong to make her hate me so much?'

'What did I do wrong to mess up so much?'

'What did I do wrong?'

'What did I do?' Was all you thought once you got home, once your chauffeur left, you quickly opened the door and rushed through the stairs and to your room, throwing yourself in the bed in full silence.

You weren't necessarily sad-- more like shock and disbelief-- even you saw it coming, you wouldn't have thought that it'll be stuck in your mind for the rest of the day. You weren't devastated, you were speechless. You weren't anxious, you just needed time to sort your emotions and process things out.

You weren't feeling betrayed nor so conflicted, or did you? You threw yourself on your bed, sighing softly but heavily and closed your eyes.

You didn't know why Hyejin and Seungmin hated you so much, Hyejin was being blatant obvious about her despise of your presence, Seungmin "played nice" And quickly switching up to be a dick afterwards. You, who didn't have anyone to talk to growing upbut Seungmin, who stood by your side.

He'd taunt you whenever you cried in public because he dunked water on your favorite dress. But nonetheless, he'd care enough to make sure you took care of yourself, he gave you attention, something you've always wanted.

A part of you knew you shouldn't let him take the greatness of you because he hasn't taken accountability for the things he had done which can be considered as threats for mental and physical health.

"..." The room packed with silence, before the ringing can overcome your ears, you sat up, feeling numb with your poker face you've put on for so long, the sheets ruffling were the only thing that comforted you, reassuring you that you can do anything you want to let out your true feelings whilst no one is here to hush you and reassure you, watching you cry.

"Poor little cry baby..." You muttered under your breath as you referred yourself, huffing, you rubbed your face after you took a stare at your own face through the vanity mirror, convincing yourself that someone-- anyone will eventually and naturally come by and help you to not piss people off no matter what you do.

You heard your phone vibrate against your bed, you quickly snatched it in hopes someone would check if you were okay or not-- or something else that can distract you from your current conflicted emotions.

Unknown number messaged you.

You frowned at the numbers with no name, but you decided to click the notification in the positive thought it was a classmate whom you didn't save their number.

Unknown number

Unknown number
Hey
Y/n right?

You
Who's this?

Unknown number
Youngjae from 12th grade ㅎㅎ
The one that shouted at you like...
Some days ago while you were with Seungmin?
Idk if you can still remember me.

You
Oh
Hello Youngjae...
Yes I'm Y/n from grade 10th class one

Unknown number
👍
I wanna apologize for that first
I was probably in a shitty mood

You
Ah, it's okay
I'm used to it :)

Unknown number
☹️
I'm really sorry I'm such a jerk sometimes ㅋㅋㅋ
But I texted you because I had another important thing I want to tell you

You
??

Unknown number
I noticed you were running out of the cafeteria...
And Eunjin said that you're the most bullied in all of grade 10th...
I felt quite bad
Actually, like really bad...
So if you want someone to talk to,
I want to try to be that someone
😊

You reacted to a message: 👍

You had to put your phone down for a while to decide whether you should trust him with your feelings or not, maybe you weren't thinking properly, or you miscalculated, but you ended up choosing to open up to him.

You changed contact number: Youngjae

I mean, what could go wrong, right...? I mean it was better than befriending your bully whom you don't know whether he genuinely hates your guts, or whether he has an unexpected twist of feelings for you.