Start over | Kim Seungmin

11: 16 not 6, Sorry

It was finally lunch time and I saw Y/n again, standing confused in the middle of the rushing, packed hallway. I sighed at the sight-- nonetheless, it was just Hyejin's job to act like a friend, to make Y/n happy.

I watched her from afar inside the class if she'd finally stop being such an antisocial.

I finally could breathe when I saw the girl taking a step and not long after she left the hallway completely, I also made my way out of the classroom.

"Seungmin-ah!" An older voice called me and my tray full of food turned to the voice, finding that my senior Youngjae-- along with his girlfriend Eunjin had saved a spot for me with my other classmates, I quickly took my seat.

"Oh? There's not enough space for Y/n." Eunjin looked around as Youngjae's smile faded, I chuckled at the expression drop.

"Noona it's okay, I'm leaving Hyejin with Y/n for the break." The only girl at the table turned to be, she gave a hesitant smile and a soft sigh before continuing to eat.

Y/n's POV:

"Uh... Looks so delicious..." I cheered but quickly stopped walking, I looked around to find a table since I noticed earlier that Seungmin was already occupied.

"Y/n!!" Hyejin called, my face slightly lit up, she offered me a seat...??

I turned to her, watching her hands inviting me in, I quickly sat on her table along with the girls in our grade. They all looked at me in... Disgust and worry, but I shrugged it off, what mattered was that I got to be surrounded by people who accepted me.

'Why?' I tried to talk but I kept getting cut off by Hyejin, and strangely only her, I felt antagonized by her, I knew I shouldn't forgive a person so easily, but I guess I was just too excited that she wanted to talk to me nicely. Even the rest noticed that I kept swallowing every word I had originally wanted to say and dismissing it with laughter like an audience to a show, like a creep to girls...

My smile has already disappeared and I only finish my food... I was the first one to leave the table

'It's my fault, all my fault I couldn't speak. But they looked like they forgot me-- that's probably because I didn't make myself known!' I tried to hold my tears, rushing out of the cafeteria, looking down as my foot flew through the halls

I was on two different thoughts, I didn't feel like I succeeded on anything today... Nor there was anything I could be proud of today. Why would Seungmin do this to me if he already had been nice to me the past few days?

That bastard Kim Seungmin!

"What a stupid daughter..." I mumbled.

Watching isn't so bad... But it is bad for my high school years... What will I do when I am nearly 17 and still haven't made friends..?

I wanted to cry it all out again, but I couldn't do that publicly... I just had to ramble on without crying...

Seungmin's POV:

"My fault I couldn't make friends! My fault I couldn't talk! My fault I didn't have a stupid sweet 16! My fault I ended up getting bullied until now! I should just shut up forever and stay silent cause I always mess things up! I always messed up!" A girl unloaded her feelings, I picked up my speed to get closer to the voice source.

From the window, I saw Y/n curling up in her seat, knees touching her chin

'Don't cry you idiot... You're 16... Not 6.' I looked to worry

Y/n looked down as the water went up her eyes, but she didn't let it fall at wetten her uniform and kept wiping it, even if it wasn't ending, 'I'm such... A bad person...' I pitied her, I didn't know Hyejin would just ignore her like that, her backhanded compliments could've done better...

I decided to step in, gulping because I didn't know how to comfort a person like her, especially if I didn't live a life like hers, I'm the one who made her life miserable all along anyway. But one thing I knew was she lacked comfort during her cries. "Y/n? I- Are you okay? You just ran off from the cafeteria..." I said softly and she jumped in surprise, 'Please don't run away again...' I thought as she slowly turned her head to me.

"Why would you even care..??" She sniffs, I rolled my eyes at her attempt to push me away, I knew I had to keep patient though.

"Why would you leave me with her...? You two are the wors--"

"I thought she changed! I thought she could make you happier!" I defended, cutting her off.

"Changed? People like her and you don't change," Y/n breathes heavily, getting up from her seat and trying to stand up for herself for once.

"Ah for god's sake stop mentioning me! I know how much of a jackass I am okay?!" I shouted that sent her into another emotional shock, god damn it how could I forget...

"I-I'm sorry..." I sighed, looking down to the ground in guilt, younger me would've been surprised I felt some sort of happiness around her, and not just cruel apathy. But now I was just disappointed at myself, disappointed I couldn't control myself to the person I want to fix things with.

"Damn--" Y/n pauses to sniff again, "Even I feel like Hyejin's was so much fucking better than yours..." I reminded myself of all the things I've done to the girl who just needed someone to believe her, to stand by her side, to get her away from the harshness of reality.

"Y/n please I am truly sorry-- I- I-" I tried to choke a more... accepted apology, I didn't know what to say, I wanted to say how sorry I am for making her a person who cries all day, a person who rarely smiles, a person with a fucked up mind, a person with fucked up feelings, all because I just couldn't behave as a 5-year-old. And ever since then, I couldn't stop. I know what she thinks about me and I think the same, but I don't know how to change, I don't know how to make my past self die, I don't know how to wipe her tears away for eternity.

How drastic of a change, but hers doesn't, doesn't if I don't change for the better.

"Seungmin seriously..." Y/n sighed, looking up at my eyes, seeming disappointed, I avoided her gaze cause I also felt the same. Silence fills the classroom

"I..."

"I'll... give you another chance... But I- I- I can't do it yet, I- don't wanna s-sound selfish-"

"Yes, yes... It's okay, I'm... I'm so sorry Y/n..." Sorry I couldn't do better, and like that, she dashes out of the class with her bag.