JUDGE ME, I DARE YOU!

CHAPTER SIX: FADED LOVE

Pictures aren't frames,
Hurricanes aren't waves,
Love isn't true unless it's real; and that's how I know am not myself, because my phases have never  played out sequenced.

            I existed in two worlds without even knowing; most-times, am both conscious and unconscious... all at the same time.
The issue with putting your all into something or someone is that majority of those times, your energy is not reciprocated; it's like putting your dough in the oven and retrieving it burnt, or paying a bus-man who ends up driving off with your balance.

The terms of the world were "give and take" now, the fact karma doesn't play it's path after I've given makes me look like a paranoid psychopath for trusting the whole "what goes up must come down" process in the first place.

"They'll never treat you better if you keep giving them more of what they already don't appreciate"... and that is beyond true.

            Ekene and I have been on and off in our relationship. Most-times, I felt I could do out with the old and get in with the new, but I found myself heading back to the drawing board and erasing all of his mistakes from the point he picked me up- to the point he messed me up.
I kept forgiving him for everything, until I was unable to love him anymore- I was already a victim to life, I couldn't dare be a victim to love too.

            No-one has ever apologized for the way I was treated- but I get blamed irrationally for the way I reacted... so, I wasn't even sorry for my future actions since I had already been nice for so long.
Ekene was a bird in hand worth more than two in the bush, I knew his worth in my life; and so did every other person. Most people who didn't know my part of the story labeled me ungrateful for abandoning the only person in the world who saw the good in a prostitute like me.

He seemed tired and bored of our relationship long before me; he ignored my emotions and needs, but he rather built tiger walls from kitten furs. I agree that there were times we were in love; but other times his display towards me made me generate cold feet, in fact; he made me an all bark with no bite. Every-time I voiced out about how I was being treated and how sad his cheating made me feel; I ended up being compensated with reckless beatings before he then proceeds to reminding me about the particular gutter of which he had picked me up from.

Do you automatically go silent when you hear something that hurts your feelings, or are you normal? I wasn't normal but I doubt I had the liver to do otherwise.

Ekene, just like myself was a troubled human who dealt with his insecurities different from the normal human procedure; he vented his anger on me by beating the hell out of me, he cheated unapologetically and exonerated himself without any feel of guilt. He owned me, but hated the idea of me owning him too- if he didn't buy me flowers after making me sad, I would have believed he hated me.

         My boyfriend and I broke up, and like they say " a dog always goes back to its bones"- I was back into the prostitution game like I never left. Two months after we broke up, he sent me threatening voice notes ranting to me about how I left him just to rush back to my old life- he said he always knew I missed the game, he said I was born for the streets and so I deserved to die in it.

I just wished he understood how urgently I needed to leave the table since respect was no longer being served; besides, leaving someone is also love. Right?

"Make sure say our paths no cross, if I Dey pass North- follow South, if I Dey West- wait for East... your head at the city gates of Obi Omimi is how the bloggers will spread your news. We must never cross paths Esomchi." Those were Ekene's last words to me, and I thought of it as a fair trade. I would never cross his path, again!

CHAPTER END
...And whenever your energy is no longer being reciprocated, whenever the care-love and attention you give to someone doesn't boomerang towards you...you feel free to leave the damn table. Nothing hurts more than the happiness and freedom you deprive yourself of getting.

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