Hey there diary,well my mom wants me to write.Not really into this but I guess ill try.Todays the first day back from spring break.So its just like ugh I hate school. Fitting in is about the hardest part for me. I mean I could swallow drugs like all my friends do but its like I don't want to be all doped up.Hopefully my mom wont read this cause she thinks everythings fine.I mean I have never been so depressed in my life. I have had really bad thoughts about ending everything but somehow I'm still here.I only have like four friends but they aren't really there for me. So there's Dylan he's the gay,funny one.Then there's James he's the one who's kinda a pot head. Then there's Deisy she's the life of the party. Then there's Omar he's just there.And then there's me Darren H. Crothers the one who's shy and weird doesn't really talk much and has jackets on even though its like 200° outside.I wear the jackets cause my depression was so bad I couldn't find my way to cope so I turned to stronger vices. Cutting,vodka and cigs. Hell these helped me more then the actual anti-depressants.I don't really talk to alot of people but I really am struggling I guess. Its more like my saddness kinda dwells.But I still mange to keep a smile on my face.I tell people who act like they care that I'm fine.But bascially my heart and brain feel like someone colored them in with the color gray.I don't really like talking about it.But my sexuality plays a big part on my "depression" those quotation marks are there cause I feel like I don't have it. I think of it more as a phase.But I'm just a kid who knows nothing my mom wants me to get help but honestly I'm un helpable.( I think that's a word)Well that's the first and most likely the last time ill ever write.
yours truely,
Darren
