Close The Door

Concrete Jungle

I was in the dressing room getting hair and makeup done and pulling on the last bit of my clothes before the feelings of anxiety finally settled in.

And holy shit was it a lot. 

My heart was thundering. It felt as if it were about to ricochet right out of my chest. That stressful blood rush was making me start to panic. 

Am I having a panic attack thirty minutes before the show?! 

I asked the stylist to leave me alone for a moment in a stupid attempt to handle this alone. I know I can't. 

Hyunjin's knocks echoed on the door. I don't even think Hyunjin can help with this level of stage fright. I was so nervous. My hands were shaking like crazy. The room was spinning as my eyes darted from wall to wall. 

There I was in the corner of my dressing room rocking. 

My knees to my chest in a sad way to self-soothe. Another knock, "Dammit Y/N, please open the door. The stylist told me they were worried about you... the members are worried for you." 

At one point even Chan was at the door with Hyunjin. 

I was in my room a little panicked. They were panicked because if they didn't have one dancer, the formation would be fucked up. That's when the unrecognizable knock came on the door. 

His soft voice as he gently said, "It's Minho, can I come in?" 

That's when the room stopped spinning for a moment. My heart stopped shaking in my chest. My breath steadied. 

I crept toward the door and unlocked it. Minho was quick to open it to find me. He shut the door behind him and locked it making sure I knew it was only going to be me and him. 

I backed away from him slowly making my way to my corner. Lee Know walked closer. He stopped when I winced and sat in the spot where he stood. Crisscrossed, he reached for my hand and delicately brushed his thumb across my knuckles. 

I looked up at his eyes trying to read his eyes for sympathy. There was none, there was only worry. "Wanna talk about it?" 

I looked down again, "I started feeling anxious this morning, but I set them aside. Now I feel like if I go out on stage, I'll die." 

He let out a small laugh. Then the silence hit us again. It was awkward. His hands were still on mine soothing my knuckles. 

I'm sure he was asking himself why I only allowed him in. I'm trying to ask myself that same question. Why did I let him kiss me, and sleep in my bed? Is it because I do like him? I really wanna be his-

I was snapped out of my thoughts as he pulled me toward him so I was straddled on his lap. 

His hands were careful where to touch. His hands didn't inch any closer to my bottom. They stayed at my waist. My body was quick to relax from his hands on my bare skin. I was wearing some silly crop top with the most ridiculous stage pants ever known to man. There were rips down my jeans to the point that I felt like I was wearing shorts. 

My hands landed on both his shoulders. 

"Y/N?" My eyes finally left his lips which, I didn't realize I was staring at. "Mm?" I made eye contact with his dark eyes. There was this flash of hunger and desire that quickly turned into comfort.