Atonement

24. Back to square one.

                                                        SULTANA
The sound of my heart beats rapidly in my ears, aching and breaking all over again. I thought i have moved on, i thought i have accepted i can live without Qalb. I was wrong, very wrong. Seeing him today brought so many memories, so many hidden feelings that i can't control. I love him, so much that i can't provide a space for any other person.

I spent the night with my eyes open. The sun woke sending a throbbing headache inside my head. I walked out of my room to Sultan's, luckily he is not there so i quickly grabbed his car keys and drove out. In my head, i wanted to go to Qalb's house but instead i found myself driving to the outskirts of Abuja. I was not bothered about the countless phone calls i am getting, hell i am not even ready to pick any.

I drove straight to Trap House 2.0, the place i once called my safe space. Different emotions rushed through my veins at once, the strongest was guilt then disappointment. I brushed them all of and walked out.

As expected, there were alot of guns pointed at me. "Black cat." I shouted at all of them, making my identity clear and they dropped the guns. My identity, who i was and probably who i will always be.
Nothing has changed since i last came, if anything, it has gotten more dirtier and smoke filled. I walked straight to Government's office.

"Look who we have here." He said. His legs stretched on a glass table, people, bouncers standing by his sides while he played Cards with Black hat and Iyanya. I didn't say a word rather i used my elbow to hit the man by the door, then used my knees to hit his crotch. I saw him cried in agony as he fell down holding on to his chest and crotch. Without hesitation i removed his pistol and pointed towards Government, that only got the attention of all the guns towards me.

I wasn't here for chaos, i just want a feeling, the feeling in which i haven't gotten a half of it for a longtime.
Ecstasy...
A small smile formed on my face as i raised the gun and my other hand in surrender.

"I know better than to attack alone and without a gun." I muttered and walked towards them.
They bursts into fists of laughter. With just a raise of hand from Government, all the gunmen dropped. I made myself comfortable on one of the chairs still with the pistol in my hand.

"Soo much betrayal. You think i won't be back huh?"

"Ah ah! Calm down na, the money is a lot! You sabi how much i love that. And the man say he wan protect you.." Government explained. I closed my eyes only to be attacked by the image of Qalb shielding his so called wife.

"Cut it! Pass me what you have, i need a strong network." I murmured, unknowingly firing the gun on the ground.

"Serve her coke." Black cat ordered then turned back to me.
"Crack." I muttered because right now all i need is a quick blow to my brain, i need to forget all the pain caused by expectations from that one person i thought i could call my forever.

In less than two minutes a man came with a tray containing a filled up crack pipe and a lighter. I quickly grabbed them putting the end to my mouth. Hesitant at first, i light it up. Taking in as much as i can at a go before releasing it. There was a sharp pain in my head at first causing me to hit my head severally then followed by a series of coughs.

But they said, the success after pain is indescribable. I inhale again, relaxing my head on the chair...Truth to be told, i miss this feeling. I shut my eyes close inhaling more of it.
The happiness, the calmness, the sudden gush of love for everyone filled my heart, my body and my soul. After the fifth take, i removed the pipe from my mouth and let out a loud laugh. Glad that i am feeling this way.

"I am leaving with this, pack alot." I said. How on earth am i to leave this goodness here? Better than grass, better than ciga...Just pure burnt snow.