Atonement

25.Spoken story

It's been a whole month since the whole Qalb's incident happened. A month of grief and sadness and contentment. Sultana has made a promise and she is keeping up to that. Today, she sits in a room with people of her kind, addicts, and mentally/emotionally disturbed people. After so much fights with everyone around her, she got exhausted. Pain have no limits when it strikes but fortunately with Anwar, Sultan and all the lovely people around her, she has accepted to take steps forward, leaving behind all the causes of her pain, known and unknown.

"So this is your choice Sultana, Your dunya or your Akhira. Trust me, both can be good but it depends on how you want it to be." Anwar's voice echoed in her ears.

She took a deep breath to calm her nerves down, looking a the women surrounding her and their coach, Sister Halima. Here they are seated in a circle under the moon, calm and serene.

"Sultana, your turn." Sister Halima said. Anxiety almost got the best of her, she took another deep breath and looked down thanking gravity for keeping her seated on the grass.

It's an Introduction, just an introduction but she knows not how to start. After a minute of debating whether to stay of run, she finally opened her mouth to speak.

"I am Sultana and...i am an addict." She said out loud and looked up.

"It's okay Sultana, we understand if you don't want to talk now." Sister Halima said softly.

"No, i want to." She has been here for two weeks yet she hasn't said anything, all she does is say her name, listen to people's story and go back to her assigned room, barely eating the food served. She only comes out during prayer times and meeting sessions.

She took a another deep breath and corrected her slumped posture.

"I have an anger inside of me. At nine, i was raped by someone i trusted. I was just a bubbly kid with soo much life, full of love for everyone around me and most especially my parents. I was abandoned by such person. I didn't speak neither did i try to write it down because i was scared. After gathering soo much courage, i told my grandmother because i believed she was softer but..i got blamed for it." With her voice cracking and tears streaming down her face she continued.

"I told my parents, i was just a nine year old scared but i was bright also, i knew my mother is a lawyer and my dad is so influential so i believed i will get justice...But...I was told there's nothing they can do...That lead me to resenting them all. Spent most of my time alone...At 16, i got introduced to drugs, it gave me the feelings of love and for the moment, every pain was gone. I used all my money to buy, it reached to a point where i couldn't buy again so i resulted to my father's funds...He caught me." She let out a chuckle and smiled sadly.

"That day, he threatened to cut of my hands after beating me mercilessly but as the cunning girl that i was, i ran out. At seventeen, getting access to drugs became easier because i started selling for the people that introduced me so drugs was my payment."

She looked up, staring at every woman in the room.

"I stopped schooling after my waec. 18, i became a pro and started my business, dealing drugs and at 20, i became a drug Lord, fiercely importing drugs and weapons until one of my containers got held....That was when i met him, the man that saved me from all of this, so i gave him my heart, gave him every love i had because that was the first time i was loved, first time somebody really cared for me. But before we could even walk through Eden together he left me, crushing all my hopes. He got married to another woman on the day of our wedding making Anwar to step in and offer a helping hand by marrying me."

The place was quiet and she appreciated it, no judgy eyes, no silent murmurs, just her telling her story, uplifting the burden in her heart, feeling lighter.

"I tried committing suicide but i was saved...i healed...atleast i thought i did because i was happy, i felt safe and loved by the people surrounding me, my husband especially...not until Qalb came back with a pregnant woman as his wife."

She sighed. A sigh of relief. It is believed that the second stage of healing is letting out, and finally she got to do that. She used her palms to wipe the tears in her eyes, masking up with a large smile.

"Any word for Sultana?" Sister Halima asked.

"You are a strong woman Sultana and i am so proud of you." A woman said, she needed therapy because she was a victim of kidnapping.

"I adore you Sultana." Another said. She whispered thank you to all the series of compliments that followed with a smile and tears on her face.

"Healing is a journey Sultana, an unending journey if i may say. It gets better when you free your heart, accept and forgive others for their mistakes and forgive yourself too. Allah said in the Qur'an 'After every hardship comes ease.' You need to hold on to that.
And one more question before we round up, Do you feel love and connection whenever you think of Qalb?" Sister Halima asked again.

Realization hits her, whenever she thinks of Qalb, all she can feel is nothing. So she nodded he head no.

"Good, now look deeper Sultana. There is love for you and it's right in front of you, don't let it slip away. " She said then moved her attention to everyone in the room. "Okay Beautiful ladies, we shall have our last session tomorrow in sha Allah. It's a morning session, May Allah continue to guide us through." With that, everyone exchanged hugs and they all left to their rooms.

It's a friday night so sultana took advantage of it, prayed at midnight, prolonging her sujood and asking Allah to free her heart. Lost in her thoughts she lay down on the prayer mat and before you know it, sleep took over.