The Widows Woman (GirlxGirl)

Life Decisions

"Carla, calm down a minute. It might not be as much of a rush as your thinking. What exactly did Thea say yesterday?"

"She text me Abi, her exact words were 'they are hooking them out tomorrow' so I don't think that's helpful! Please, I need to ring Lyndsey. I don't even know if she's had the trigger shot. Where's Nana gone?"

"Darling, you need to slow down a little. Nana's gone to see Brian remember?"

"Yes I know!" The younger woman couldn't hide her frustration. Her brain wouldn't work the way it usually does and she was cross with herself and taking it out on everyone around her. "And Robs gone to let Randy out, get the IVF paperwork and me some clothes."

"That's right. Your refusing to try and sleep-"

"How can I sleep! Could you sleep right now?"

"No but I haven't been through what you have. We need to take care of you now."

"I can't sleep Abi, I wanna be with her. I should be with her. I just need to ring this fucking woman first!" Carla felt lost without Thea, she felt responsible now, not only responsible for what happened but also to keep their life together, the plans they'd made, keep it all going for when she got her wife back. The alternative didn't bear thinking about.

"You need to shower! Robs going to be back in a minute with all the paperwork and some clothes. You can ring her then! Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?"

"I don't care what I fucking look like!" Carla looked like a teenager when she stamped her foot and it almost made Abi laugh.

"And if Thea wakes up? You want her to see you like this? All covered in dried blood? Look honey, it's all in your hair." She pulled at a piece gently, just to show her. "We can't do anything about the bruises but this we can fix."

"What bruises?"

"You have two black eyes and a cut right here. Let's shower now yeah?"

"Ok." She relented and began crying again. Abi led her to the adjoining bathroom, turning the shower on and checking the temperature of the water.

"I'll just be out here and I won't shut the door ok. If you hear anything, it's just me bringing in your clothes from home."

Carla nodded and began to undress, her blood soaked uniform falling to her feet. It had soaked through and stained her white bra, triggering a memory of all that blood surrounding her wife. She didn't know how someone could lose that much blood and still be alive. Then she remembered shouting at her as she led dying, screaming at her that she'd never forgive her. Who does that? She sank to the floor, the warm water running over her as she sat and hugged her knees, crying as quietly as she could.

"Carla," Abi knocked on the door. "I've got your clothes, are you ok in there?"

After hearing no response she walked in and could hear her sobbing over the noise of the flowing water.

"Oh love. I'm here, I'm just behind this door. Your ok. Your safe here now."

"I can't be on my own. I keep seeing her."

Abi wondered wether she meant Thea or that bitch who shot her but decided in this moment, it wasn't important.

"Do you want me to wash your hair?"

"Do you mind?" She sniffed.

"Not at all." Abi pulled the shower door open and helped Carla to stand, she put body wash in the younger woman's hands and instructed her to wash her body while she'd wash her hair. Getting the blood off her hands and fingernails took the longest and once Carla started, she felt she couldn't stop until every fleck of blood was gone, leaving her hands red raw until Abi wrapped her in a towel.