Doubts - Regretful ex-Fiancé

Chapter 11 | ✓

"I can't defend myself. I had no right to behave the way I did, but not knowing about your family or your sister was just too much for me, and I reacted poorly. I truly regret my actions and hope to make things right with you." Jonathan ended his speech by kneeling in front of me, looking into my eyes like he used to when I was special. "Please forgive me. Give me another chance. Let me support you and your family. Don't let my foolishness end our relationship. I love you... I love you. Please, my love." He took my hand gently, holding it with warmth and longing.

This man had once given me his full devotion, even to the point of proposing to me. He was my fiancé once and wanted to build a family together. That had meant everything to me, and now I felt a deep sadness where there used to be happiness. Jonathan's love was significant because he was the first person I allowed near me. I shared my insecurities and fears with him, trusting him with my heart. It was difficult to open up like that, to trust someone enough to reveal things we usually keep hidden.

We give this kind of trust to those we truly love. It's not about wealth or looks; it's about caring deeply for someone and being able to depend on them. Jonathan proved to be honest and hardworking. He broke through the barriers between us, asking me out and pursuing me with determination for a long time.

I recall him driving me home after our first dinner together. It was such a lovely experience to chat with someone who had thoughtful and intelligent views on important matters. He didn't even hesitate when he parked outside my modest two-bedroom apartment. He didn't mention it at all and immediately asked me out for a second dinner. I honestly thought he must be a bit crazy for not waiting for a goodbye kiss first before asking for another date.

For someone who had faced poverty, harshness, and all sorts of bad things, it was refreshing to talk to someone so courteous. He never swore or acted rudely and always asked for my thoughts first. He was a true gentleman and made the night unforgettable. He opened doors for me, kissed my hand, and took me to a nice restaurant that was just right—not too fancy, but not too plain either. It felt like stepping into a new world where people truly respected and cared for each other's feelings.

I really didn't know much about this kind of gentleness. My life was like what people see in police bodycam footage on YouTube. I often thought that if bodycams existed during my childhood, there would be many videos of my mother passed out, half-dressed, with one of her boyfriends, while we kids waited outside for her to wake up or for someone to bring us food. Those are the main memories I have from when I was six. Neighbors would call the police, but there wasn't much the officers could do for us.

I had to learn about kindness, politeness, and being asked what I wanted when I moved from my old home. "Okay, Jonathan, if I say I understand, then what?" I said, looking straight into his eyes. He seemed hopeful and serious, and I felt he was ready to do anything to fix things between us. "So what? It doesn't change anything. I know I should have talked to you about my family... I admit it. I hurt you too. I lied because I was scared and ashamed. I don't like my family, alright? That's the truth, and I won't say otherwise. Do you get what I'm saying, Jonathan?" I asked him firmly and clearly.

"Please explain it to me, darling," he begged. His eyes showed worry, and I could feel the pain he sensed in my voice.

"My mother won't help with the wedding. She can't... she just can't," I struggled to say. "She can't. Do you understand?" I raised my voice as if it would make my words clearer. "She won't help me pick out my dress. She won't be there, okay?! She won't! I have no mother! I have no family. I have no one to ask for something old, something new, something blue, or anything! I have no one! So... I get where you're coming from, I really do, but what good does it do me? I can't change my past or my family. I can't give you a perfect mother-in-law. That's just how it is, and... I'm sorry if I wasn't excited to share the awful family I had... the terrible things my mom did to me!" I was breathing heavily, feeling tears of despair. It felt hopeless to wish things were different for me. To dream of a family like in the movies. A strong dad, a caring mom, a loyal brother... a sweet sister. It felt hopeless, but deep down, my hope still burned bright.

Jonathan looked at me with intense focus and didn't react when I mentioned I had no mom or anyone to help me with what truly mattered. Everyone else had family—moms, dads, aunts, grandmothers. Couldn't he see this was the best situation for both of us? Didn't he realize that pushing for something that was never right for us wouldn't help? His eyes showed he didn't believe that.

"It doesn't matter to me, but I know it's hard for you not to have her with you. I'll support you however you need, sweetheart." He spoke with bright, focused eyes. "I'll help with everything—flowers, dresses, colors, anything. I'll be there for you whenever you need support. I know I didn't act right when it counted, but," he paused and stepped closer. "Now that I've felt the pain of being without you and the regret of hurting you, I'm committed to becoming a better man. I'm doing this for you and for myself. I'm learning how to be a good husband and a real man for you. I won't run away or start a new life with someone else. No way am I doing that, darling. If you think I'm going to leave and move on, just know that's not happening." He seemed very confident and came even closer.

"I want to show you that I can be a good person. I can't compare my childhood to yours because I always had many chances and opportunities. This, in a way, made me a bit arrogant." He rubbed his neck, feeling ashamed. "Your struggles and the way you fought for everything shaped you into the amazing person you are today, and I want to learn from you. I hope you'll share your full story with me when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere; I'll be right here with you. I will fight for this. It's incredibly important, Bella. This isn't just about restaurants or business; it's about fighting for the woman I want to share my life with." He gently touched my cheek, and I was captivated by the intensity of his words.

He spoke as if it were so simple. As if we could just move forward. As if it wasn't the end for us."I don't think you get what I'm saying, Jonathan. You don't understand the level of trouble I'm talking about. You should come with me to see my mother. We really should do that. First, we need to check if she's still where I last saw her. Then we can buy some cigarettes, clothes, medicine, and food, and go look for her. Wouldn't that be nice so for you?" I was really worked up, trying to get under his skin and make him leave for good.

"I'm totally in, sweetheart. That's a great idea. Just give me her last known location, and I'll take care of everything else. Let me handle what she needs." Wait, what?

"I'm not joking. I really plan to take you there. She could even be lying naked in a puddle of her own..." I struggled to finish that thought.

"It doesn't matter. I'm going. And if you let me, I'll do even more. I'll set up a place for her treatment. I just need her details and permission, of course."

He might think that way now, but he has no idea how bad things could get with my mom. Maybe it was the right choice to meet her with him. This way, he could politely say he changed his mind about us and wanted to end things for good. That would be for the best! Everything would be okay then. "You don't know what you're talking about. But fine, we're going tomorrow. You better be ready and on time," I told him as I walked to the door. I felt a bit angry because he agreed so quickly. I turned back to him with a frustrated look. "If you're having doubts, just say it now."

"I'm going, Isabella. Tomorrow." He said it very seriously. Alright then... That's settled. He asked for this!

As I was getting ready to leave, he called out to me again. I turned to him, expecting him to say he wasn't ready to chase after a drug addict. "I was thinking... Maybe you could make us a coffee on your coffee machine..." What? Is he out of his mind?! He stood there tense, knowing how much he loved the coffee I made with that machine. It was a big deal. Only a few had tasted my special brew, and here he was, asking for it!

"I don't think so, buddy. Don't push your luck with me." I replied sharply. His expression dropped right away, but I had no intention of making him coffee anytime soon. He was lucky I was even speaking to him.

"Alright, sweetheart. I'll definitely drink this coffee again, I promise you that." He said confidently, showing no signs of being affected by my strong decision to end things. I gritted my teeth to hold back my response and rushed home, worried about the fact that he agreed to meet my mom. I was sure he would call me tomorrow to back out. There was no way he was serious about going.