Doubts - Regretful ex-Fiancé

Chapter 18 | ✓

Jonathan sat quietly, holding the coffee cup in his hands. He sipped slowly, his gaze fixed on me with a serious look as if he feared I might vanish if he looked away. His posture, legs apart and lips pressed together showed he understood the weight of this moment... of that simple cup of coffee. It reflected the choices I had made. There was a message in what I had offered him, lingering between us, waiting for me to voice it.

I frowned, absentmindedly rubbing my forehead. My eyes studied Jonathan, reflecting on his appearance for this meeting. He looked elegant and strong, everything in place, yet his face revealed his inner turmoil.

This was the Jonathan who had first captured my heart. The fiancé who had cared for me in my times of need. The protector who had shielded me from harm during my darkest days. The aggressive man who had pushed me away during a night of poor choices was no longer there. Looking back, I recognized that many wrong decisions had been made. Now, I could see it more clearly. The honesty in Jonathan's eyes, his hesitation to get too close, and the respectful way he had greeted me all pointed to a choice I needed to make. Forgive him. Give him another chance. Ask him to stay.

My thoughts were filled with those words, swirling endlessly. I felt like I was witnessing the outcomes of my choices right in front of me. In one scenario, Jonathan stood at the end of a hallway, dressed sharply with a small white flower on his lapel. His hair was neatly styled. On the other, Jonathan was walking away from me, leaving the apartment and taking the ring with him. He was quitting. Saying goodbye. Not glancing back.

That image caused me so much unease that I whimpered without realizing it. The sound shattered the silence, and Jonathan quickly set his cup down on the coffee table, looking at me with concern. "What's wrong?" I swallowed hard, unsure of how to respond. Perhaps this was the perfect time to voice the questions I had been holding back. Maybe now was the time to express everything I felt about him. If this was truly the end, I wanted it to be honest. I didn't want to have any regrets.

I set my cup down with a soft "thud" and turned to Jonathan, taking a deep breath, unsure of how to begin. I nervously bit my thumb, trying to find the right words. "Jonathan," I said gently. "Why are you here? Really. Why are you here?" He locked his eyes on mine, narrowing them slightly as he seemed to think about my question. His gaze dropped to my lips before returning to my eyes.

"Because I can't stay away. I can't live my life without you." He paused, sitting on the edge of the couch. "Because my future is only with you. I'm ready to beg for another chance. There's no one else for me. I need you." His words made my heart ache. He seemed so genuine, fully aware of his feelings. "If that's true... then why did you treat me like that? If you wanted me so much..." My voice held disbelief as I struggled to understand how he could act that way toward someone so important.

He bowed his head and stared at his hands for a moment. "I..." he started. "To be honest, I felt... mocked. I always thought of myself as a good catch. I don't want to sound full of myself, but I believed I was someone worth having around, and I thought you would be glad to be with me. When I saw what I thought was proof of you leaving the house so often, I felt betrayed... like a fool. I don't usually feel that way." He looked at me with his jaw tight. "What could have made her act like that? I wondered. Why would she do this to me? I felt wronged and wanted to hurt you too... I..." he inhaled deeply. "I never imagined a woman would cheat on me. I was foolish to think that way. I know I was harsh and cruel. I wanted to make you feel pain. And that's exactly what I did." I tried to comprehend his feelings. I understood that he was hurt and defensive. The pain of betrayal can bring out the worst in us, a feeling I knew all too well. But still... still...

"You treated me as if you expected this from me. You said terrible things." I confronted him again.

He nodded, looking troubled, his shoulders drooping a bit. His complexion was pale. "What about it?" I pressed on. I noticed his throat move, and he seemed to be gasping for breath.