Dead Poets and Dying Roses

Fourteenth Chapter

(AN: own plot idea)

And so the days go by. Everytime I have the opportunity, I attend Neil's rehearsals in the city hall, Todd always at his side. We sit together in the seats, watching Neil act with big eyes. We both adore him for different reasons. I'm glad that my brother has found himself someone like Todd. Most people would probably say it is disgusting, but I don't care about it. As long as Neil is happy. Sometimes Mr. Keating joins us and I have some interesting conversations with him, giving Neil and Todd some time alone. We often discuss some poems I have send him and it feels good to get some feedback. To have someone, especially an adult and teacher, be interested in my work. I'm not used to this kind of support, but Mr. Keating gives me time to adjust and trust him. I just hear from the drama around Knox and Chris and try to spend him some comfort. But I think he still is far away from giving up. Everything just seems perfect by now, with all its edges. We are once again on our way to a meeting, everything around us covered in snow, when Charlie snatches my camera. "Now it's your turn, pretty girl. Pose for me!" Scandalized I put my hands at my hips. "You will give it back immediatly, Nuwanda!" "Make me!", he answers with a sassy smile on his lips. "Oh, you-" I look around for anything I can threaten him with and end up throwing snow at him. "You will have to aim better than that!" He snaps a photo of me as I pout. I form another ball and throw it with all the force I've got. A frustrated grunt escapes my mouth as it flies past Charlies head, again. "That's a miss, mon cheri." Before I can complain about the wrong vocabulary, Neil takes the word. "It wasn't a miss, she hit me!" And with that something wet hits my head and soaks my hair. "You did not just do that!", I scream and return the fire, hitting my cousin's chest. He takes a swing and the next ball comes flying towards me. I duck away and it collides with Knox instead. "That calls for revenge!" And so the snow ball war has started. Knox and I build a team with Pitts, after he has almost knocked Meek's glasses off. "Seriously, guys?" Cameron comments from the side. "That's childish." "Everyone at Richard!" Charlie roars and we all follow his order, while he is happily taking more photos.

Entering the cave we all look rather disshelved, but have made peace with eachother again. We all sit down at our places and Neil opens the meeting. "Mr. Keating said, that 'love' is probably the most used topic in poems, doesn't matter if it is tragedy or romance." He looks around. "So, why don't we use it for today, too?" We all nod. Of course, Knox starts without hesitation, reading a poem about Chris, making everybody role their eyes. Pitts recites some out of Mr. Keatings book. Then Todd speaks up for the first time presenting one of his own texts. I probably clap the loudest as he has finished and his cheeks turn red from all the attention. Charlie continues, stepping in the middle of our circle.

"My only love sprung from my only hate,
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love is it to me
That I must love a loathed enemy."

I immediatly recognise the lines. I always will. "Or another one.", he exclaims, looking down on the scrambled page.

"Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears."

I have noticed his eyes on me while talking. I'm probably the only one getting his hints. It's like he has picked the lines of my favourite book specifically for me and our situation. We are from different worlds and yet he wants me to give him a sign that I return his feelings. Can it truly be? I know, I can't let it be. I can feel Neil shooting a glance at me from the side. He is the only one that knows, what Romeo and Juliet means to me, he must have guessed what's going on between me and Charlie. That it's now more than just some simple flirts. But it has no use. We could never be together. Mr. Perry would not allow it and without his consent I would need to leave Neil behind. I cannot do that. He's the only one I got. And it's like I'm once again dragged into the plot of this Shakespearean drama. Two lovers that are forever seperated. "I'm next." I've written the poem in my hand quiet a few time ago, but it still fits my feelings. I begin to read. My chest heavy.

"Love is a cruel thing.
It may makes your heart sing,
It humms the sweetest melody,
But in the end it will be in agony.

Love rises you up in the sky,
But you fall so low,
It makes you sigh.
And if your heart breaks, I told you so

It is the worst and best in one.
But it tricked me once
so now I'm done."

While the others applaude, I look at Charlie with sad eyes. Quickly I lower my gaze and sit down again. I don't want to hurt him, I really don't. There is no other way. I don't want him to chase after something, that won't ever happen like Knox does. He shouldn't waste his time with someone so unapproachable and worthless as me. He deserves more.

The crunching sound of our footsteps disturb the dreadful silence between me and Charlie. "Do you really think like that? About love?" I sigh. He sounds so disappinted. "I don't know." I watch the snow flakes slowly glide down before me. "It's just that everytime I love someone or someone loves me...something bad happens." Not only Louis flashes across my mind, but also my father. "I just don't have luck with that kind of stuff. Guess, I am too broken for that." I didn't meant to say the last thing, yet it is true. "You know, just because something is broken, doesn't mean it's unusable or can't be repaired." Charlie's eyes stare into the distance. "It doesn't mean, it can't be beautiful.", he whispers. "You should never give up hope on love." I giggle. "Isn't it ironic, that from all people it's you that says something like that? Haven't you had like a houndred flirts?", I ask him exhausted from this topic. The words more bitter than I have wanted them to be. "What is different now?" I look up at him and I can see it in his face. You. That is what he wants to say, but can't. I open my mouth, but there is nothing. No words. "Hey, guys!", Neil interrupts our personal tragedy. "Why don't we go out this weekend? Like into the city? As a celebration that I'm playing Puck!" He is so exited, it makes the dark clouds in my head vanish for a moment. "And also we could distract our lover boy from his heart break." He puts his arm around Knox and Meeks joins in. "That's a great idea!" And, of course, if Meeks is in, Pitts is, too. "We could invite Mr. Keating.", Charlie suggests and Neil agrees. "Rose, you have to come, too." "I don't know, Neil. It's been a lot lately. I don't want to be caught." Also, I would rather stay home to get some distance to all of them before I have to go back to France. Especially after this night. "Please, Rose. You know, I wouldn't ask, if it wasn't important to me." He has come to me and has laid his hands on my shoulders. "Please." And for one second we are children again. Neil begs me to take him to the ice truck, I know his father will be angry. But still I take him and get the blame for it. That has been just the first time I couldn't deny him a wish and it has been the same ever since. "Fine, I'll come." I shake my head in disbelief. "But you have to promise me you will slow down a bit. My bad influence is rubbing off on you. You're getting reckless." He laughs and it cures my heart to know that I will always have him. Him and I, no matter what. "As if you haven't always wanted that.", he responds and I laugh. But in my guts I have a bad feeling. It's this suspiciousness of life. That it's just too good to be true, that it's already feeling a bit off. Maybe in the past, I have wanted Neil to be like me, but now? I guess, I have gotten more cautious after all that happened to me. And I want to protect Neil from it with all costs.

Back at Welton the other boys immediatly rush to Mr. Keating, but Charlie stays back and goes to his room instead. Gladly Cameron has gone with the group, so he has a few minutes to himself. Rosalie's statement was like a stab in the heart or a jump into the cold water of a frozen lake. He was so confident, that after the library she would return his feelings, but no. Maybe he should just get over her and try his luck with the next girl. But he can't. 'What is different now?', her questions still rings in his ears. It's her. Rose made the difference. Charlie has never gotten this much affection from a girl. No girl has ever supported him like that or listened to his ideas no matter how stupid they are. No one has ever stood at his side like Rose has. It's like she completes him. Brings him peace. She is the calm to his storm. A safespace where he can finally feel like himself. No, he will not give her up like that. So many people have already dropped her, dissappointed her. Charlie won't make the same mistake. Rosalie deserves better.

(AN: the poem, that Rosalie reads out is my own composition, some feedback on it would be nice)