ER [wlw]

Chapter 3

I scoop the pasta I made out of the pan and onto my plate that sits on the kitchen counter. I worked a night shift so I got home by 7:00 in the morning and went straight to sleep. Right now it's a little past three, so I'm just gonna consider this a very late lunch.

It's my third week working and today was thankfully my last work day of the week, so I'm off for three days unless I'm called in. Sadly for me today is Ari's day with Bellamy.

I grab myself a bottle of cold water before settling at the dining table. I sigh as I start eating, always finding it lonely without sweet Bellamy here. I'm sure she's having fun though. I know I'll get a call from her, recapping her day to me.

Getting back into the dating scene could possibly help me find someone to keep me company. I've had a few relationships, since I've had Bellamy, with both men and women but none of them last very long. It's honestly left me doubtful in ever finding someone for me.

I begin eating and my thoughts wonder to what happened last night.

A woman was rushed in with severe burns, the whole team was lined up in the hall as they rolled her in, she coded right there in the hall, I didn't get to see what happened after that because I was rushed to care for and take the vitals of her 10 year old son who had less major burns.

The whole time he cried to see his mom. I found out after that she didn't make it.

It was just them, I just hope that little boy had some other family to stay with. Still, it doesn't take away the hurt of losing his mom. I can't imagine what the mother was feeling while she was alive, if I knew I was dying, the only person on my mind would be Bellamy.

My heart feels heavy for him.

I sigh as I continue eating, my mood gloomy now.

I need something to take my mind off of it, sitting in the house isn't gonna help since I don't have Bellamy here to distract me.

The few friends I do have are working, I rarely hang out with friends, rarely have time to between Bellamy and work. I don't really have a desire to anyway. Gossiping over coffee isn't something I enjoy.

I did decide to ask some of my coworkers how they cope with deaths before I clocked out and it was pretty insightful.

They all had different coping mechanisms, some didn't have to cope at all. Mason specifically said, "Everybody dies it's the way of life so it doesn't bother me."

The thing is, not every death makes me feel this way, it's just the ones that involve children. It always makes me think of Bellamy.

Anyway the coworkers that did feel like me sometimes, gave me their coping mechanism. The most obvious being therapy, which Is a big pass for me. Then there was meditation and journaling. Which I feels is definitely not for me.

The only one I think could work is exercising. I mean I was active in highschool, I enjoyed it.

Wish I would have used that for coping with my father's failure to make me feel loved. Instead I cheated on Ari many times. I would hurt her because she always came back and it was nice to know she loved me enough to come back... until she didn't. That was an eye opener for younger me.

Another option would be to hang out with friends but the three friends I actually hang with are working the whole time I'm off.

I grab my phone off the table and look up the nearest gym.

I see the closet one is called Eve's Harmony. It's a women's only gym, not that it matters.

I quickly finish my lunch, wash the dishes, then dress myself in what I deem workout appropriate. Literally just a sweat suit get up with a crop top under the jacket.