Until these wounds heal

5. Kindness is pretty

I often find myself caught between duplicite people,
The ones who are manipulative, toxic,
The ones who laugh words of my insecurities behind my back,
And yet I find myself wondering why she has pretty long blonde hair, golden, not yellow, the kind that is natural, sparks white in the sunlight,
Although it is embroidered into thick fake curls,
Which she singed with the iron every dark morning yet she says at daylight that her hair is natural.
Yes her hair was pretty but her smile was not,
Her smile is ugly, it shows the laughter and hatred which leaves her mouth,
Her overconfidence, her manipulative qualities,
The way she speaks lowly of me to her friends,
It makes her smile ugly.
People at school say she is the "Pretty girl" she flirts with the boys,
And girls yet they do not see her ugly smile.

I met what looked like her sister a few months later,
I was quick to believe that she must bear the ugly smile too,
As her hair appeared the same pretty blonde at first glance,
I made note to stay away,
Yet over time I saw her hair was strawberry blonde,
Sweeter, prettier,
The kind of blonde which can't be falsely replicated over and over to bleed hair dry,
She wore her hair as an accessory rather than her whole personality,
Dragged into a bun most of the time as to not annoy herself.
She started speaking to me,
Small talk at first,
I was hesitant and anxious,
Scared to reveal something about myself which she could fire back as a bullet to my heart,
However, over time I built trust and our weekly conversations grew,
We shared laughs and tears together too.
I would give her kindness,
Tell her she was going to be ok,
I would hug her when she was sad,
Check in on her when she said she was tired.
I started calling her a friend, not sure if it was too soon and that I was just setting myself up to be mistreated again.
Yet when I shared how I felt she offered things of kindness back: hugs, words, smiles,
To aid my sadness.
Yet although her hair was blonde her smile was pretty,
Reflecting the kindness her soul emits,
And although to boys and most girls she isn't the "Prettiest girl",
I know she is,
Because long blonde golden hair deceits many,
And when you've been hurt by one before you realise that,
Kindness is pretty.