Until these wounds heal

23. Worthless with scars

Gracie,
I admire you like I do the stars in the night sky,
Which shine ever so brightly up high,
And I thought you were made up of golden kindness dust,
And now I believe that thinking that was unjust,

Because you took me to the corner of the room,
Standing so closely I could smell your pretty perfume,
Close so that no one else would hear our conversation,
And you picked up my wrist and asked for an explanation,

"Does mum know?" You asked me,
"Umm not this time," you see,
"Do I need to tell her?" You said and I immediately said no,
Yet the next day you still told her though,

And the fact that you told her doesn't bother me that much,
And I understand that it's your job to do such,
It is because for me you do truly care,
Yet the fact that she never said a word hurts more than my heart can bear,

You asked me to promise that it would be the last scratch,
I promised before thinking about how hard it would be to detach,
From this addiction making me bleed,
And in keeping your promise I did not succeed,

Next time you asked if it was worse than before,
Which seems silly to me as there were clearly more,
Yet this time you did not hug me tight,
But instead chose some words which you thought were right,

You said it will be harder to be a dancer which I understand,
Because to look perfect is a companies demand,
And right now that I am far from,
But I hope that I can stop to one day become,

You added that one day a boy wouldn't want me,
However with this I'm not sure whether to agree,
Because shouldn't someone love me regardless of my skin,
Or is that just some fantasy I believe within,

And I think you were a bit shallow to say,
That my scars define my worth in some way,
So do you, Gracie, still love me with them,
Or deep down do you condemn,

For I admired to be like you,
Yet now I'm not sure that is all true,
Because tomorrow if a thousand scars drowned your pretty self,
I would still love you with all of myself.