Until these wounds heal

13. Ugly mistakes

I am conflicted whether this mistake is ugly or beautiful in society today,
After I made a few mistakes I saw others in the media saying that it was okay,
That the mistakes I had carved into my wrist,
Were a sign of strength and deserved to be kissed,

Others actually wore their mistakes too,
Showing that it was okay to have a few,
That I am not ugly and that they do not reflect my worth,
And that if people won't want me because of them they don't deserve to be on this earth,

I started to think that these mistakes didn't make me ugly like I thought,
That they were a sign of resilience in the mental war I had fought,
And that one day someone would love me regardless of my wrist painted in red,
But when you told me the truth I realised I had been misled,

"We can't be having that" you said slightly sad,
"It will affect your future" you did add,
And I don't mean to carry this on for much longer now,
But when I looked into your pitiful eyes I knew that this is something you disallow,

You told me that a future boyfriend anyone I'm trying to impress,
With these mistakes as scars would care about me and think less,
And even though you did not say that I was ugly with these mistakes littering my skin,
You did not tell me that I was still beautiful within,

And I'm not sure if you just said this because you wanted me to stop it,
Because the way your words cut deeper makes me want to quit,
Because these mistakes are beautiful I once did believe,
And now I detest my rotten mind for being so naive,

And I now despise these mistakes on my wrist bleeding, screaming, crying,
And if I said that your words didn't sting more than the mistakes on my wrist did, I would be lying,
Because ever since those words you parted shattered my heart,
On my skin I have not done any more art.