Irish Promises

Chapter Thirty-Three

Stasia

"What do you want to happen?" Hugh asks, his eyes boring into me.

There's a beat of silence between us where I really consider his question.

What do I want to happen?

I feel like the answer is so simple yet finding the words to say out loud is so difficult.

I'm so angry.

Not just with Irvin but with myself.

For letting him get inside my head, making it so easy for him to manipulate me.

And I'm angry with Daniil, and Damien and my own fucking father.

Hugh has always been right about one thing and that's the fact that I've been a punching bag maybe not always physically but I've without a doubt been one emotionally.

I'd always thought of myself as being strong, as being someone that could face just about any horror and come out the other end okay.

But that's not true.

I've never been okay.

I've always pushed it aside just like Blake says I do. I bury it down and try to pretend like none of it broke me when in truth it did.

I let my father take Natalia from me, I pushed down the memories of what Daniil and his friends did to me. I fucking went day after day using me and my body for his own means. Then I went and let Irvin manipulate me and very nearly turn me away from the only men in my life that have ever actually loved me.

Loved me for who I truly am.

Despite every curve and extra pound my body carries. Through every unhinged temper tantrum I throw and despite the fact that I have a Disney obsession bigger than what's feasibly suitable for someone my age.

They love me and I love them.

I'm done letting others break me down and I'm sure as hell not going to stand by and let anyone come for them either.

I'm fucking done being a punching bag and just like Hugh said it's about time I start fighting back.

"I want him to suffer" I reply with conviction as I stare at him "I want him and my father to suffer Hugh"

He nods his agreement, no emotion in his expression at all when he says "then we've got a plan to put together"