Irish Promises

Chapter Forty-Nine

Stasia

"You ready?" Hugh asks from where he stands at my bathroom door.

I take one last look at myself in the mirror to prepare myself for what's coming today. I've done my best at trying to cover the remaining yellow bruises on my face but it's useless I still look like I've been battered within an inch of my life and I guess that's because I was.

"If I say yes will you believe me" I mutter to him.

Sighing he steps into the bathroom and comes to stand behind me, his hands gripping the counter encasing me. His chest pressed up against my back as he regards me through the mirror.

"You don't have to do this" he says softly and then presses a kiss to my crown.

He's right I don't have to do this but I want to, I want to face Irvin and show him that he hasn't won.

"I want to" I say allowing myself to lean into him.

"If it's too much all you have to do is say and we'll leave" he says his hands leaving to counter as his arms come around me.

I haven't admitted that I'm scared to face him, that despite knowing there isn't a chance he'll be able to lay a hand on me I'm petrified of even being in the same room as him.

I don't remember much of that day after I called Hugh but parts of it have come back to me in increments.

Like how he dragged me across the floor and I was too weak to even attempt to fight him off, all I could do was grasp at nothing. The feel of his foot connecting with my stomach over and over again. The image of him on top of me with a sadistic grin and he pounded his fists into my face.

Each memory that's come back has made me feel so weak and useless. The realisation that time and time again I've been in that very position hitting me hard.

I couldn't stop him, I couldn't stop Micah in that basement or Leo's goon and I was sure as hell helpless against Daniil and his friends.

Hugh was right when he said I was a punching bag because that's exactly how I feel now.

Each time I've come back from it the bruises have always healed but this time it's different. This time it's more than just the bruises and scars it's something inside my head.

I could have died and although I've put on a brave face to the others, in truth I'm so much further from okay than I'm willing to admit.

I don't even realise I'm crying until Hugh turns me and cups my face, his thumps sweeping away the tears that have started to fall.

"He can't hurt you" he says with certainty but it's what he says next that has me shaking my head.

"No ones going to hurt you again Anastasia"

"You can't promise that" I say and it's the truth.

He goes to argue against me but I quickly shut him down.

"You told me when we came here that no one would hurt me Hugh, that I'd be safe. But this life that you're in that we're all in, people get hurt. I get hurt" I say and I see the guilt he feels flood his expression.

"It's not your fault" I say in an attempt to ease some of that guilt.

"But I don't know how many more times I can get hit and keep getting up" I then admit. "I nearly died Hugh" I then choke out and for the first time since this has all happened I let out the sob I've really been holding in.

The sound that leaves me is something reminiscent of a pain wail but it's quickly stifled as Hugh pulls me into his arms and holds me against his chest.

I can feel my tears dampening his shirt and my chest aches from how tightly he's holding me but as I shudder from the force of my crying all I want is for him to crush me with his hold in the hopes it'll also crush the helplessness I feel.

"We ready to-" I hear Cian say as he comes into the room but he quickly trails off.

I don't know what silent words are shared between him and Hugh but I'm shifted from into Cian's arms and lifted causing me to wrap my legs around him.

He walks us both into the bedroom and sits down onto the bed with me still wrapped around him. Literally clinging onto him like a baby monkey.

"You know a lot of it I still don't remember" he says, his voice soft but haunted at the same time. "I think maybe I've purposely blocked it out but the parts I do remember haunt me"

I don't know if he's trying to make me feel better but hearing him say that only causes me to cry even harder.

Now I don't just feel sorry for myself but my heart breaks for what he had to go through.

His hand strokes up and down my back, the feeling of it so comforting it does actually help to soothe me.

"I envy Hugh ya'know, how he can just move on from it when it made me feel so weak" he says and just knowing he gets it means everything.

"I couldn't do anything" I admit and sag against him. "I couldn't stop any of them Cian"

"I know" he says continue to stroke my back.

He doesn't tell me everything's going to be okay, or that I'm never going to be hurt again because deep down we both know the damage has already been done.

We're both silent for a while until Cian sighs.

"You did do something though" he says and that has me sitting up to look at him completely fathomed.

When I just stare at him blankly he smiles.

"You survived"