Irish Promises

Chapter Fifty-One

There's a bustle of commotion around me, thudding sounds, grunts and what seems to be pained cries which I gather come from Irvin but I'm too busy spiralling to even attempt to see what's happening.

Strong arms come round me and heave me off of where I'm on my hands and knees on the floor. I only realise it's Blake when he starts whispering reassuring words into my ear.

Telling me over and over again how it's not my fault but none of it sinks in.

We all know it's my fault, that I'm to blame for the fact that my brothers are dead. They were trying to help me and it cost them their lives.

I don't know if it's the guilt and grief weighing heavy on my chest and making it impossible to breathe or just my fucked up lungs. But with every breath I fail to suck in I fall deeper into a pit of despair that just seems to want to swallow me whole.

"Stas come on look at me" it's Finn's voice now and when I blink at him I realise I'm not in that room anymore.

Now I'm standing outside the door with Blake and Finn both trying to talk to me. None of it going in though. The only thing I can hear is Irvin's laughter still echoing in my head.

He won.

I fucking let him win.

With that thought my despair shifts into something else.

Anger.

So much rage floods my system, like a red fog completely overtakes me.

"Move" I snap attempting to shove at Blake and get back in that room.

But he doesn't shift. Instead they both block me and that just fuels my anger even more.

"You don't need to go back in there" Blake says.

"Don't fucking tell me what I need!" I roar at him and attempt to shove at him again.

When he still refuses to move I completely lose it, I let all that anger take over and I lash out at them both.

"You fucking wanted to get at them and you got your fucking wish" I shout as I pound my fist into Blake's chest.

"Stas come on stop" Finn says trying to restrain me but it doesn't deter or stop me in the slightest.

I'm pretty sure I punch Finn in the face during my outburst and although I hate myself for it I can't stop myself from directing everything I'm feeling towards them.

"Let me in there!" I scream. "He can't get away with this"

Suddenly the door opens and I'm darting towards it fast than I've ever moved in my life.

I don't make it inside though as Hugh blocks my way and it only takes a second for me to see he's covered in blood.

His hands grip my upper arms and he shakes me a little as he shouts at me but it takes me a moment to let the words fully sink in.

"He's dead Anastasia" he says over and over again clearly trying to let the words register.

Only now do fully hear him and I still, all that anger fuelling me . As I do he steps aside and I can finally see into the room and where Cian stands in front of Irvin's mangled body slumped on the ground, with a knife in his hand.